I am currently stationed overseas in a country where I speak very little of the language.
While stationed in Germany I met a handsome guy who I was attracted to. I met him during the Memorial Day picnic that we had in the barracks where we lived. We sat around the BBQ and talked all day shortly after we’ve met. We talked about our lives, where we were from, and what our jobs were while stationed here. After that, he and I exchanged phone numbers and 2 days later we went out on a date. The date was nice and he told me that he was divorced and getting ready to move to another state after his overseas tour was done. I thought that it was nice and exciting to meet a good looking, knock you off your feet guy that showed interest in me. After our couple of dates we engaged in sexual activity where we used condoms and the rhythm method. (I thought that my fertile period had passed, but to my surprise.) Well, after a few days of sexual activity, one night, the condom had broken and I was not too worried about it because I thought that I was past my fertile period of ovulation. After a few weeks, I was looking for my period to start because I had the PMS symptoms of sore, enlarged breasts, irritable, and cramping. A week went by the symptoms began to worsen, and still no period. I kept thinking to myself, I can’t be pregnant, because I was due to start and past the time of ovulation. I went to the store and brought a pregnancy test. I thought that I was due to come on because I was slightly bleeding as well. I went into a bathroom stall and took the test. I placed it on the counter and cleaned myself up. I looked at the test and it read ‘Pregnant’ in big bold letters. I stood in shock! I could not believe it. I put the test in the wrapper, washed my hands and went to my room in shock. I looked at the test again and it still said ‘Pregnant’. I hid the test in my room fearing one of my friends would come by to find it sitting there. I did not want anyone to know, because I wanted time to think of what to do and I was in shock that I was pregnant. I did not have morning sickness, however I was nauseous around certain foods. I could not even eat spaghetti that I loved because I would get nauseous just smelling it cook. I could not even drink coffee! I loved coffee so much that I had to have it every day. I was 2 weeks pregnant and I told the person who was the father of my unborn child. That’s when the truth about him started to be revealed.
Each time I was working and he was not he would get mad at me because I did not stay in his room with him. The father began to use the unborn baby to control me. He wanted me to stay in his room at all times. He was constantly possessive of me, couldn’t go out with friends or on road trips without him. Next, I found out that he was still married and had not filed for a divorce. I was so angry at him when I found out that he was a habitual liar. After the third sleepless night I decided enough was enough. I decided to have an abortion. The first questions that came to mind are where am I to go? I don’t know how they view abortion in this country or if I can have one here because I am not a citizen. I went to an OBGYN and asked what options I have. She in turn referred me to a social worker who discussed options with me such as adoption. I would not feel comfortable giving birth to a child then having to give it away. I told her about the situation with the father who would use money and the child to control me and how much of a liar he turned out to be. He said that he would support me no matter what decision I made about the child. Again, his personality switched, like Dr. Jackal and Mr. Hyde. He would not speak to me due to the fact that I chose to “kill” our baby. I did my best to contact him and he replied to my text message saying that he would pay. I did not see a dime of money from him, he said because I would not stay with him every night and I had chosen to have an abortion instead. The first counseling appointment he took me to he cursed at me out for my decision and he should have more of a say, and I did not make it there on time, so I had to schedule it with another counselor. I argued with him by letting him know that he had no right lying to me about being married and second, he all of a sudden wanted to be possessive of me and I was not going to allow a boy like him in my life. I stopped speaking and talking to him after I found out that he was still married.
I rescheduled the appointment with another counselor after my missed appointment and this time I had to catch a cab. I was not going to rely on the father again. I had enough of him. It is hard finding a counselor that spoke English, so I worked with this lady as best as possible. It turned out that I understood her very well through her thick accent, and she was able to understand me. She was a nice lady that did not judge me when I told her of my decision to terminate my pregnancy. She offered to help me get transportation to the clinic if I should choose to. After I received my permission slip to have the procedure done (In Germany a woman has to wait three days after her counseling session and get her permission slip for an abortion) my counselor the scheduled the appointment at the hospital for me. I was very impressed because it is hard to find a clinic here where they speak any English at all. After waiting another 3 agonizing weeks, I was ready to have the procedure done. I had to pay about $535 USD or 352 Euros to get it done, (depending on the exchange rate at the time).
I went to the clinic for the first appointment where I had to get blood drawn to figure my Rh type. After telling them that I am not Rh negative, they drew blood just in case. The second appointment was the day of the procedure. The said that I was 9 weeks pregnant according to my last period and I explained to them that I shouldn’t be, due to ovulating later than I thought. After my ultrasound, it turned out that I was 6 weeks. I asked for the RU486 pill and the doctor there that spoke English pretty well did not use the RU486 pill, but preferred to do surgery instead. I was ok with that and I wanted to be sedated. I did not want to be awake during the procedure. I got to my appointment after a friend dropped me off there (a good friend who is the only one I confided in while here) and did not have to wait long. I nervously filled out paperwork and a nurse at the clinic translated for me. After filling out paperwork she took me to a room and told me it was the recovery room. It was filled with women who had just had abortions. I asked her where they were from and they were from different countries and a few from Germany. The room was full of women recovering. I was shocked at how full it was. There were no protestors there either. I was shocked about that, too. I then went back to filling out paperwork and waiting. Minutes went by and more waiting. The nurse who translated paperwork came in and asked me if I was still nervous. She and I began to engage in conversation about our experience with abortion. I explained to her that I could not bring a child into the world and the father was not guaranteed to be there and who was a chronic liar that could not tell the truth about being married or not.
I was on my way back to the states after my tour and would be unemployed. I told her that it would be unfair to the child to see mom struggling to raise a baby and on welfare. I would have ended up with a baby on the way, in a ton of debt, unemployed, and I refused to go back to living off of my family again. No way! I remember growing up dealing with my parents struggling to make ends meet after they both had been laid off from their jobs. I remember being the oldest raising other people’s children, had to babysit my younger sister who was handicapped. I did not want to put any child of mine through that at all! Ever! The nurse and I talked until it was time for me to go into another room. I was very nervous and I felt comfort knowing that I was able to share my story with a nurse who said that she too had been in a similar situation such as mine. I felt relieved to know that there is someone who can relate and that I am not alone. I then went into the room where they placed me in stirrups and put in an IV. Then the doctor talked to me about the procedure and what was going to happen. I did not ask any questions, as I’ve read about different abortion stories before. Next, they gave me some medication through my IV that put me to sleep. A half an hour later, I woke up with these strange panties on and a thick pad. I was taken to the recovery room by wheelchair and then the fun began.
I was cramping so badly that I could not move. I asked the nurse for some pain medication to get the cramps to stop and she told me that I had to wait until the medication from the IV had worn off. I was in so much pain, that I was not happy until I received some Belgian chocolate wafers and some green tea. I was given some pain medicine and antibiotics. I stayed in the recovery room for a couple of hours because my friend could not come and pick me up due to the fact that she was at work and could not take off to pick me up. I am not sorry for the decision that I’ve made. I did bleed off and on after the procedure for 2 weeks. I am doing well, able to concentrate on my work more, and can actually have a cup of coffee without getting nauseous. The reason why I chose to terminate my pregnancy is the thought that I had to let my child know that you were the product of ineffective birth control and a father that lied about his marital status would not be fair. If it was known that he was still married, that would be a disaster for the both of us (the child and me). The pregnancy hormones hampered my ability to stay awake, eat certain foods, and concentrate at work. I could not have a child at this point in time, because I would want my child to have a father that was there. A person he or she could call dad. I was a nervous wreck but got through it on my own. Let’s continue to keep abortion legal and safe. Many women in the world have a similar story such as mine, however, I am only writing this to share mine. And again I am 100% not sorry.
