I was 24 when I became pregnant. My then-boyfriend was an older, very charismatic but unemployed drinker. We had only been together for about two months when it happened but were living together to save money. We were not using protection as he didn’t like condoms, but I was tracking my cycle. I knew I was ovulating, and warned him to pull out very early because of it. This was suspiciously the only time he ever “lost control” and ejaculated inside me. I went to the doctor and got Plan B, which unfortunately didn’t work.
Because I was tracking my cycle I knew very early that I was pregnant. When I took the test and it showed up positive, I told him I didn’t want to talk about what we should do for three days, so that we had time to really think about it. My conviction to have an abortion only grew stronger over this time. When we talked about it he told me he wanted a baby. He said “what if this is our only chance?”, and we fought about it every night until I had the procedure. It didn’t occur to me that he may have “lost control” on purpose until inside the clinic when the counselor asked me if he had talked about wanting a baby before-which he had.
While pregnant I was so depressed that I couldn’t go to work, I had to quit my job and all I did was sleep all day for several weeks. It was the only time in my life that I could picture wanting to jump out the window. I couldn’t talk to my family about it because I knew they would judge me. I’m very glad now that I kept that secret. I did tell friends, and the best support came from those who had been through this themselves.
I had a medical abortion performed by Dr. Morgentaler, which I am very proud of because he is now a hero of mine. I felt very little pain, like a long pin prick, and was so relieved to be fetus-free afterwards that I felt like I was walking on air. The only after affect was a very heavy next period. I took my boyfriend out for an elaborate dinner the night of the procedure, which he refused to eat. It seemed our moods would be taking separate paths from then on.
I got a better job slightly after that. I moved out and broke up with my then-boyfriend as soon as I could afford to, as the fighting didn’t stop with the pregnancy. He didn’t take that very well either, but that’s a different story. It took me too long to figure out what an unhealthy relationship I had been in, but I knew even while I was pregnant that if having the baby didn’t mean being attached to such a person for the rest of my life, maybe I wouldn’t have needed an abortion.
It’s six years later now and I’m living with a lovely man, I’m on my way to a doctorate and have traveled in a way that would be extremely difficult with a baby. I’m certainly not sorry I had the procedure and I am forever grateful to Dr. Morgentaler.
