About Me
I’m 23 years old with what seems like everything going well for me. I recently got engaged to a wonderful man who I’ve been dating for 3 years. We recently bought our first house together and are planning our wedding. I graduated from college a few years ago and have a great career that I love. My fiancé and I have been sexually active for most of our relationship, but have been off and on different birth control methods. I was to the point I didn’t even worry about getting pregnant because it didn’t seem like something that could happen to us. We’ve discussed children many times and decided early on that neither of us want to have children. Who knows, maybe we will both change our minds in the future about this, but even if we did want children we aren’t ready for them at this point in our lives. Financially and emotionally we are just not ready for a baby.
Finding Out
I realized my period is about 1 week late, and I’ve been feeling bloated and my breasts have been really sore and swollen for about 3 weeks. I thought I was just PMSing. We have already talked about what we would do if I got pregnant so we knew our decision already. But, we ask each other anyway if this is what we both want to do. It is. We look in the phone book for abortion clinics and visit some websites. I cry because I’m scared and don’t even want to be in this situation. I am a pro-choice advocate and believe a 6 week old fetus is not a “life” yet, so that doesn’t bother me at all. I just never thought I’d have to make this decision, even though I already knew the answer. My fiancé comforts me and tells me not to cry because we don’t even know if I’m really pregnant. We buy a test and put off taking it for a few hours. I finally take the test, then put off looking at the results for what was only 3 minutes but seemed like hours. I look at the test; it has NO lines on it. I think it’s defective, but then I turn it over and see those 2 pink lines. I remember saying “crap” and starting to cry again. I make an appointment to have the abortion, and have to wait 3 weeks to get into the clinic.
Waiting
I am depressed for the 3 weeks of waiting. I turn completely anti-social with my friends and at work. I cry a lot. I start snapping at family members for no reason and get annoyed with everyone I am around. I am nauseated in the mornings if I don’t eat right away and I get ravenously hungry every 2 hours. I feel horribly sick when I don’t eat within minutes of getting hungry. My breasts swell to about 2 times their regular size and hurt terribly. I can’t fit into a lot of my pants or bras any more. I am exhausted all the time and have no energy. I try to just lay low and stay away from people. I turn down many social invitations. The only person who doesn’t annoy me is my fiancé. I manage to get through this for the 3 weeks until my appointment.
Protester
I got to the clinic with my fiancé and was stopped in front of it by a protesting woman who looks about my age. She hands me a pamphlet and tells us she’s not crazy (isn’t it a good sign that you ARE crazy if you have to tell people you’re not?). She said she has a lot of friends who have had abortions and they would do anything to take it back. She said the procedure is “really scary”; she reminds me that I have options like adoption. “It’s 9 months of your life, but a entire lifetime you’re taking away”, she says. Then she makes the comment that I’d be at a higher risk of cancer my entire life after the abortion. She explains that this happens because of the “sudden change in hormones” that my body goes through after the abortion. I tell her that the same thing would happen during delivery and walk away. She yells after me “but delivery is natural!” and tells my fiancé and I that we are good people. She resembled a telemarketer the way she was talking so fast in order to not let you get a word in or to get away. She obviously had said this exact speech many times; it was very rehearsed. I wonder if she has ever been successful? Has anyone she protested to ever said, “What the hell, you’re right, I don’t want to have this abortion. That was some good convincing,” I wonder? We enter the building, get buzzed in the door and throw away the brochure the protester gave us in the conveniently-placed trash can.
Before the Procedure
We signed in, got metal-detected, and I am asked to pee in a cup. Then I get the stack of forms to read, fill out, and sign. I go downstairs to get the ultrasound. The fetus on the monitor is a black circle-shaped object about 1 inch in diameter. I get blood taken from my arm next. I can tell the nurse who took my blood had been in the field for a long time because I could barely feel the needle. I sit with my fiancé and wait. The clinic had really filled up; there are people of all ages and cultures there. I was surprised at how many women were there to have abortions. My name gets called along with 2 other women. We go to our group session. A young woman explains what the procedure consists of and shows us the tools used. She gives us some informational pamphlets about care after the abortion, birth control options, and about voting (of course, supporting John Kerry, but I don’t need to be convinced to support John Kerry!). I then have an individual session with the same woman. I didn’t have any questions for her because she explained everything so well. We go over the papers I filled out, and talk about birth control options some more. I tell her I was on the pill before but stopped for medical reasons, but I’d like to start taking it again. She also gives me a prescription good for 1 year for the morning-after pill, PLAN B, just in case I need to use it in the future. I am given 10 antibiotics for use over the next 5 days and 4 ibuprofens to take now for cramping after the procedure. Next, I wait with my fiancé and tell him the actual abortion is next.
The Procedure
My name is called to pay; then I go back downstairs to wait in the 2nd waiting room for the procedure. The women down there are watching a movie; I sit with them. They get called slowly back to the surgical area, and finally I get called. I go to the bathroom and put a pad in my underwear. I go into the room, take off my lower clothing, and sit on the table. I thought about how cold my feet were and worried about the “scary procedure” the protester had warned me about. The doctor and nurse come in the room; I lay down with my feet in the stirrups. The doctor does the initial exam and informs me that I have a “tipped uterus”. I have no idea what this means, but nod anyway. The ultrasound machine is put back on me, and the speculum is inserted. This part was slightly painful. The numbing shots are injected into my cervix. This is the part I was worried about and it did hurt a little, but not even half as much as I had imagined it would. I realized that I had been holding my breath. I hear a strange humming in my right ear only and know it’s not from an external source and wonder if that’s a sign I’m going to pass out. I think about the fact that I stopped breathing again and force myself to start; I feel better. The rest of the procedure is done with no pain besides the small cramps in my lower abdomen. They feel just like menstrual cramps, but they aren’t even as bad as the normal menstrual cramps I get every month. The procedure is done. The “really scary procedure” I was warned of was about as scary as the pap smear I get every year. I sit up and am a little dizzy. The nurse helps me get dressed and escorts me to the recovery room.
The Recovery Room
I sit in a comfy reclining chair and am offered a heating pad but decline. I do accept some water. There are 2 other women in here, one is reading, one is watching a rerun of Friends. I get my blood pressure taken and am asked about pain. I tell her my pain is at 2 out of 10. The nurse explains what my “tipped uterus” is and what it means to me. I finally know why my monthly menstrual cramps are so debilitating. My regular doctor never told me about this. I am given my sample pack of Ortho Tri-Cyclen Lo (1 month supply) and a prescription good for a year’s worth. I sit for about 10-15 minutes. Then, my blood pressure is taken again and I go check my pad for blood; there is none. My fiancé is called from the waiting room and I go to the desk to schedule my checkup appointment. We leave. I expected the protesters to ridicule us, but they did not.
Afterwards
I experience some cramping for parts of the rest of the day, but the cramps that accompany my period are much worse than these. I’m in a surprisingly good mood and realize that I have not been in such a good mood since I found out about the pregnancy. I told the counselor in my individual session earlier that I thought I would feel happy after the procedure because it’s over with and I was right. The next day I feel great. My nausea, breast-soreness, depression, irritability, cramps, over-hungriness, and bloating are all mostly gone. I don’t know if it was the hormones that depressed me for 3 weeks or if it was knowing I had made a mistake and gotten pregnant, but I do know that I made the right decision about having an abortion.
I do not regret my decision and can’t imagine that I ever will.
Thank you ImNotSorry.Net for your great website! It really helps women feel like they are not alone at a time when they may feel the loneliest!!
