When I was 22 years old I had an abortion. This was 1993 and I was a senior in college, living in my first apartment, and had a good relationship with my family. I had broken up with my boyfriend and had gone on a booze cruise with many friends.
I met a guy on that cruise and we went on one date. After that date he pushed me into having sex. I said No several times but eventually I just gave up and chose to numb out and just get it over with. I figured that would be easier than fighting. He did not use a condom.
Three weeks later I was back with my boyfriend. A month later I realized that I was pregnant. My boyfriend offered to marry me. I turned him down. He was a big drinker and not the person I felt that I could spend the rest of my life with. Plus, it was only a week between the last time we had sex and the date rape. I didn’t know who the father was. My boyfriend at the time was Mexican and the man who date raped me was Korean. There was no way I wanted to find out who the father was by waiting for the child to be born.
I went to my mother and told her the whole story. She suggested abortion as a solution. We talked of all the consequences and various religious ideologies. I had attended a UCC church, was baptized, and gone through confirmation in the same church. I decided to have the abortion and my mother made an appointment at a recommended gynecologists office.
The doctor I saw was wonderful. He talked of all the doubts and questions I had been having about my schooling, hell, my future with and with out a child. He really put me at ease. I made the appointment for the following week, the seventh week of pregnancy.
The day of my abortion I felt so sick. I had been feeling horrible from morning, evening, and afternoon sickness for a month. I had my mother in the room with me as the doctor put the iv in and put me in a twilight state. The procedure was uncomfortable and painful for a very short time. It wasn’t worse than my monthly cycle though. When it all was over I felt great. I really felt great! It was like having all the sickness go away. I wanted to do jumping jacks, I felt that good!
Now it is 2008 and I think about what my life would be like if I had a fourteen year old child. I am sure I would have resented the kid for taking away the life I could have had. Maybe my life would have been different, better, worse. I would have been able to finish college and get my BFA. I never really wanted to have children. There was no strong desire my entire life. My parents really wanted kids. My brother and I knew we were the top priority for both of our parents. How could I have lived with myself being a regretful parent? So many people have children that shouldn’t have them. There should be a test or a license to have kids. I don’t regret having the abortion. Ive had too much fun in my life to regret anything.
