Sep 052010

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I’ve had four abortions and I’m not sorry. If I were to become pregnant today, I would have another. I had an abortion at 14, 16, 19 and 22. The first one was because of carelessness and at that time, AIDS awareness did not exist. AIDS was still thought of as the “gay flu” or a disease for “addicts” who used needles. No one I knew used condoms or even thought of it. The second one was because I constantly forgot to take the pill and doubling up doesn’t really work. The third was 6 months after I had given birth to my daughter. I saw no reason to make our lives more difficult by having another child. I could provide a quality life for one child, even single but definitely not two. I hear the claims about the selfishness of women who abort but it goes deeper than that. Before you become a mother you have a vague idea of the difficulty, challenges, and expense in raising a child. After you become a mother, you know. I personally think it is more selfish to submit.

The fourth abortion happened when my daughter was four years old and I realized I didn’t want any more children. I was just coming out of the fog that envelops you as both a new mother and a very young one. I had had fairly serious health issues during the pregnancy I did carry to term. When you have a young child you cannot simply put your entire life on hold and take to your bed for 8 months. So I called an end to my childbearing. As I told her father, you got a first-run, limited edition, enjoy her because the factory is now closed.

I’ve never felt guilty, remorseful or sorry. I was glad that I, unlike my grandmothers, had the option of limiting the number of children I had. My paternal grandmother had 15 pregnancies starting from the age of 13. Only 7 of those children lived. My maternal grandmother had 11 children and she started abandoning them after the 3rd child.

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