Sep 062010

My name’s Samantha. I found this site while researching a paper for my psychology of women class. I looked through your site, read the stories, and I just wished that I found your site sooner. I have a story of my own that I would like to submit.

I am 23 years old and have had two abortions in the last year. When I was just 3 months shy of my 21st birthday I gave birth to my daughter. 14 months later, I found out I was pregnant again. That morning my boyfriend and I packed up my daughter and headed to my grandmother’s to take care of my mom. She was dying of cancer. We had a normal morning and then I got dizzy and almost fainted. On our way home that afternoon we picked up a pregnancy test. After I put my daughter down for a nap I took it and I grew pale as it took no longer than 15 seconds for that second line to become clear. My boyfriend looked at me, told me I was having an abortion, and left the room. I was freaking out. My daughter was so young, my mother was sick, I was still in earning my B.A., and this unplanned pregnancy was not helping. We argued and he left.

3 hours later I got a call from my brother: my mother passed away 20 minutes before. I called my daughter’s father and he picked her up. I called my boyfriend, he came to get me, and we headed up to say good-bye. My birthday was 5 days later. I decided on my birthday that an abortion was the best option for me. I called to make the appointment, but then I cancelled it. At the end of that month I called and made the appointment for the next day.

There was some paperwork and I was so scared. My boyfriend drove me there and paid for it, but I wouldn’t allow him into the procedure room with me. They gave me some IV drugs for the twilight anesthesia while they performed the procedure and that calmed me down. To this day I still have the sonogram of the baby that I aborted. For us it was the best choice we could have made at the time.

We inevitably parted ways and months later, while I was taking care of my grandmother who also died of cancer, I met my husband. You know, the kind of man who is supportive, kind, wonderful, and everything you need right when you need it. 5 and a half weeks later he convinced me to marry him. 1 week after that my grandmother passed away. At that time alcohol and drugs somehow managed to enter into my house and I found myself dazed and confused as to all that was going on. I did my best to take the verbal beatings, but after a month and a half I couldn’t any longer. A week after I left him I found out that I was pregnant again. For 5 weeks we talked about what we both thought was best for us to do and after all of that discussion I decided that I could not possibly let that man be a part of my life. He was cunning, manipulative, and there was no way I was going to let him influence a child.

I called him and told him that I was going to have the abortion. At first he said he would pay for it and be there which of course turned into him suddenly changing his mind the night before the procedure. Now I had to pay for the procedure, without insurance, find someone to watch my daughter, and to give me a ride. I called my brother, who did not know about the pregnancy and asked him if he would drop me off and pick me up at the clinic. My brother was very supportive, watched my daughter while I was by myself at the clinic, and he and his husband took care of me all afternoon because I was in some serious pain. That was two weeks ago.

Once I recover from that financially I can start filing for divorce. If I had that child it would have complicated matters further, which would not benefit anyone, my ex, myself, or my daughter.

I do not regret either of my abortions. I am about to graduate college (second in my family) which is something I know both my mother and my grandmother would be proud of. I have a house that I would not be able to afford if I were to have another child, and I have a daughter who is amazing me all day, every day. Of course there were mood swings and ups and downs after both procedures, but that was to be expected. It was very awkward telling some of my professors that I was no longer pregnant and it was excruciatingly painful when one of them asked for proof that I was no longer pregnant and having to live through her 10 minute tirade on her pro-life stance a few days too late.

I’m not going to lie and say it was an easy decision and I won’t say that I don’t think about what life would be like had I made another decision, but I know that this was the best decision for myself and my family.

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