Hello, I’ve had two abortions.
The very first time I ever had sex I was 15 years old. I felt pressured to lose my virginity. Having 4 older sisters and friends that were all different ages, I kind of felt the need to have sex. My periods at the time were never regular and what I felt were PMS symptoms ended up being something else. I had gotten a bad case of morning sickness, which for me was all day sickness and told my mom so I went to the doctor for some blood work. About a day later, the doctor called with the news asking if I had been having sex. Not even thinking clearly I told her no (I mean who would think at 15, that you could get pregnant the first time you have sex…not me right???) , she said well you must have had sex because you are PREGNANT. At 15 what on earth do you do? So my doctor and I set up a meeting to have with my mom to discuss my options. I went into the meeting feeling confident in having an abortion. I knew that at 15 I had other hopes and dreams that I needed to pursue before I wanted to become a mother. I had always known that I had made the right decision. My mother and I were completely disconnected and if it weren’t for this situation we wouldn’t have gotten as close as we did.
My 2nd pregnancy happened when I went out on a few dates with this guy I had met. He was VERY attractive and I knew wanted to have sex with him. My last period I had was Dec 29th 2008. I started to take birth control immediately as I started my period. I have a problem with how birth control takes to me. I have pre-existing anxiety issues and when taking most forms of birth controls (I’ve tried various pills and the patch) I get overly emotional and sometimes it has resulted in panic attacks even suicidal thoughts. So I started the pill, I had gotten a VERY nasty stomach virus, which landed me in the hospital after 3 days of vomiting. During the course of my virus couldn’t hold down anything, not even enough to take my pill. So I stopped taking the pill and was just going to wait for my period to come around to start a new pack. Sure enough, I never made it. So I went out on a few dates, one night we drank a little too much Sangria and ended up having sex. I had a condom and went to make him put it on we got a little side tracked and as funny as this may sound we had sex on top of the condom because we couldn’t find it. So the guy ended up stressing me out about when my period was due and if I was “one of those girls”. Of course not, right? WRONG. I once again felt all those PMS symptoms: Tender breast,; exhaustion; moody; cramping etc. I was soooooo confident that my period would be here yesterday. I went to the drug store and bought a pregnancy test to maybe relieve some of the stress that my guy was causing me. The second my urine hit the strip it told me my news. Upset at myself and all the terrible feelings had hit me all at once. How could I be such a smart girl in this situation again? My guy and I made a list of pros and cons to help us make a decision on what to do. We finally came to the decision that having the baby was not the right choice for us. 175 dollars and a ride to the clinic my guy turned out not being my guy any more. I had the abortion at home because I choose to do the pill. Not a person in sight I went through the abortion alone. It was probably one of the hardest situations I’ve been through not to mention alone, but for the first time since my abortion I can sit here and say that I am not sorry. I know that having this guy’s baby would have not been the right decision me (I forgot to mention his criminal history; I sure know how to pick them huh?). So as of today, I am no longer going to grieve about this and I am 100% positive that my decision was the right one for me.
