I am almost 21 and I have had two abortions. One was a surgical, the other a medication abortion. The first time I got pregnant I was 18. I won’t lie, I wasn’t one of those women who was unlucky and got pregnant on birth control pills. I was one of those women who had sex with their boyfriend one morning without a condom. After that initial “no condom” morning, we realized how good it felt to have sex without a condom, so we just stopped using them altogether. We agreed that if I got pregnant we would be there to raise it together, we would get married and live happily ever after, and the whole nine yards. A few months later I missed my period, and immediately I started beating myself up mentally for my stupidity. What was I thinking? I had already been on my own for a few years, but in no way was I ready to be a mother. The first test I took was negative, but after a couple of weeks I finally got a positive test result. I laid in my boyfriend’s arms for hours crying about it, wondering how we could have been so thoughtless. He felt the same way I did. He wanted kids with me, but not at that point in time.
When I went to Planned Parenthood to confirm the pregnancy, the nurse seemed so excited for me. She even pointed out that my baby would be due on her birthday. I sat there quietly, and on my way out they asked me if I wanted to make an appointment for my first prenatal visit. I told them that I didn’t think so, and I left. The rest was a breeze. I made the appointment for the abortion at a nearby clinic for the following week. Everything went smoothly, my friend drove me to and from the clinic, and my boyfriend came home early from work to take care of me. I felt better than I had in weeks, and life went on the way it would have if I’d never gotten pregnant in the first place. Only a couple people knew, and still, only a couple of people know about it today.
The second time I got pregnant was in the end of 2006. We lived in a house that had an extra bedroom, I was feeling incredibly maternal, and I was thinking about the baby we didn’t have, and about how if we’d kept it it could have the other bedroom. This was the first time I ever really felt sad about my abortion, and somehow it led to one night of sex without a condom. As luck would have it I got pregnant, from that one time. THis time I found out immediately, and a week later it was all over. I was early enough that I was able to have the “medical abortion” where you can have the abortion in the comfort of your own home.
I should have learned the first time, but I didn’t. I know that I learned the second time. I am still with the same boyfriend and our two abortions have only made us closer. I do not regret either decision and I feel lucky to live in a place where abortion is safe and legal. I rarely think about either abortion and when I do, it’s more of an “I wonder what the babies would look like now…” thing than actually regretting my decisions. We will look forward to a time when we can plan the baby first, already be married, and give our children the lives they deserve. I now know that the chance to have a baby will always be there as long as my boyfriend and I will be together, and there is no reason to rush things. I’ve decided to go back and finish school, and I definitely wouldn’t have thought about doing this if we had not have had the abortions. I am not sorry, and neither is my wonderful boyfriend.
