Nicole’s Story

I was 26 when I had an abortion. I’ve never been the type of woman to have that traditional lifestyle that consists of the perfect marriage, children, and house with the white picket fence. I grew up in a Christian home, so the idea of abortion was out the window… I’ve always thought that if I ever became pregnant, the idea of abortion wouldn’t even pop in my head. In fact, that was the only thing I could think of.

I was seeing a guy I had worked next door to. We had casual conversation and nights out but nothing too serious. I spent the night at his place a lot and we had a sexual relationship. I had just gotten off the pill, so condoms were our choice of protection.

I started to notice that I was ridiculously tired all the time, I mean sleep for 13 hours work 2 and be exhausted. I felt tightness in my abdominal area, but thought it was just cramps or something. I was in my room and all of a sudden I felt nauseous. It then hit me, had I not had my period all month? I had been so busy with work and life; I never remembered actually having it. The next day I literally bought 3 different types of pregnancy tests. I figured it’s better to be completely sure!

I took the first one after I got off work. I couldn’t even look at it I was so overwhelmed. I wrapped it up and went to my friend’s house. I took 2 other tests there. I made her look at them. The actual thought of being pregnant made me want to pass out. She came outside and told me they were positive. I immediately cried for hours on the back door steps.

I started thinking both rationally and emotionally. I wasn’t in a financial position to have a baby, I just got a promotion at work so working 50+ hours was not ideal, and I wasn’t technically with the father. The emotional side said this is your baby, you can’t get rid of it. I called the father hours later and he was speechless. The only words he could say to me were, I don’t want a kid. Part of me was hurt, but all I could say to him was neither do I.

The next day I called Planned Parenthood to set up an appointment. I had to take a pregnancy test there as well. It turned out I was 5 weeks pregnant. I just couldn’t believe this happened, I thought I was being careful, what the fuck! I told them I was undecided about my choice so they talked to me about my options. I made an appt for the following week to have a medical abortion. The thought of me being at home instead of an office made it extremely appealing.

I only told my close couple of friends and sister. My friends were extremely supportive however, my sister was furious I was even considering abortion. A few days after I told her, she said rather than have an abortion, she and her husband would raise my child. It felt like every emotion I could possibly have was flying out of my body. Where the hell does she get off telling me what I should do with my body?

The days went by and pregnancy was kicking my ass. I could not wait to feel normal again. My friend came with me to the fist appt. I had to get tests done and an ultrasound. Right as I was getting the ultra sound, my sister texted me. “I know you’re at the doctor’s but I’m pregnant too!!” I wanted to call it quits right then and there. I started to tear up, but continued. I refused to know anything or look at anything for I was afraid it would make me change my mind even more. I was asked multiple questions and talked with a counselor before they gave me the first pill to make sure I was stuck on my decision. I swallowed it, went shopping and slept at the father’s house.

The next day was the day of the abortion. I had to take nausea meds first, then pain medication. Next came the 4 pills that I had to stuff in my cheeks for it to seep into my bloodstream. I felt as if I was going to faint. I had turned white as a ghost, my heart was barely beating, and I was completely weak. Luckily the father was there to pick me up off the ground, reassure me everything was fine and got me some 7-Up. I felt better after I swallowed the pills and drank something. It almost started immediately. I had cramps that were painful (granted I usually get severely horrifying cramps with periods) but not the end of the world. I probably bled for 7 days… a few clumps here and there but nothing more than a really really bad period. I had a follow up to make sure the abortion had worked. I was no longer pregnant. A sense of relief filled over me. I went back to feeling normal. I was happy I made the best choice for me.

I have never regretted my decision for an abortion. I never even thought about it until my sister had her baby on the day I was supposed to be due. I know I made the right decision for me. It would have been selfish and cruel to bring a baby into a world where I didn’t want one. I’m glad that we live in a society where a woman’s choice is there and backed up with support, whether it be your best friend or the kind nurse who held your hand during it all.