He was sweet, good looking and charming. He came into my life after several difficult years of caring for my mother through cancer. He supported me through her death and I thought he was the “one”. I was 21 years old when we met and as time wore on he became less sweet and charming and more manipulative and cruel. I felt like I had no one due to several traumatic family issues so I held onto him with all of my might. During our third year of the relationship he cheated on me. I was heartbroken, he begged and pleaded and used “couple’s counseling” as a barter to keep me with him. I obliged, we attended counseling four times and then it became “too expensive and boring” for him. I stayed with him because at least he was the evil I knew. I went into a deep depression. I couldn’t figure out what was causing it. I mean, obviously, it couldn’t have been the abusive, faithless, dead end relationship (sarcasm). I went off my birth control, certain that that was causing my depression and mood swings. I do think that birth control disagrees with me, however, the root of my depression was this relationship. I couldn’t convince him to wear a condom and at that point I was so broken down that, honestly, I didn’t really care. The only aspect of our relationship that I still enjoyed was the sex so God forbid I did anything to compromise that (sarcasm)! I had also finally transferred into a university so that I could obtain my BA degree. I was working 45 hours a week and was taking a full time load in college. After years of sacrificing my schooling, I had finally gotten in and I was not about to let anything stand in my way.
Four months after he cheated I became pregnant. My best friend and I had made pacts when we were 16 stating that if either of us became unexpectedly and unhappily pregnant then the other one would help them with all aspects of the abortion. I called me best friend and left her this message on her work voicemail, “Hey, remember that pact we made when we were 16? Yeah, looks like I’m cashing in.” She was amazing in every way and I will forever be thankful that I have such a fantastic best friend. 6 home pregnancy tests and an appointment to Planned Parenthood later and it was confirmed: I was pregnant. He begged me to keep it, pleading that we could get help from family and that “we’ll be so happy”. I woke up from my depression and realized right then and there that it was time to take control of my life. I had been taking care of everyone and I had finally obtained a goal in my life (getting into my university) that was not about to be sacrificed for anyone. I stayed strong in my decision and he agreed, he took me and he paid for it. All and all, he was actually quite great about it at the time. The procedure was pain free, there were no protesters and everyone who worked in the clinic treated me with the utmost kindness and respect.
Seven months later my ex dumped me for no rhyme or reason. I had “tried” to dump him time and time again but he managed to weasel his way back into my life. He was my first sexual partner and he had a sick hold on me like no other. He had always proclaimed his love for me so I was shocked when he dumped me out of the blue and gave me no real reason. This past January (a year and 3 months later) the truth came out, he called me in tears to ask for me back. Turns out he had been cheating on me with another woman towards the end of our relationship and she had become pregnant. He married her and had the child. This was the 6th child with the fifth different man. He pleaded with me to please help him raise his daughter and obtain a divorce so that we could be truly happy! I laughed at him and hung up. This fall I’ll be starting my master’s degree and I’m attending therapy to help with my “codependency and self esteem” issues. I am so not sorry.
