My name is Michelle and I’m 21 years old. The first thing I want to say is that I love children. I have 3 godchildren and have worked as a nanny or in child daycares for a long time. I think children are an amazing gift and I want to have between 2-4 of my own someday. Even after I have my own kids, when I’m older I hope to be a foster parent. I love children and I naturally have a maternal instinct towards all children. In fact, I’m a psychology major and a sociology minor and want to spend a year or two in social work, because I see how so many kids are being lost in the cracks and the desperate need for more social workers. I even volunteer at local elementary schools. < br>
However, I became pregnant right after Thanksgiving this past year. I was terrified. I’ve had a scare a few years back, but this was so scary. I took a test and the second line was faintly pink, so I took a digital one…there was no question about it. My parents had so many plans for me, and I had plans for myself. At first, I wanted to keep the baby. I felt I should. I knew I would love my child and my boyfriend was a great guy. However, I thought about all the things we’d both be giving up. However, it wasn’t entirely selfish. I thought about what my baby would have to give up, being born to a 21- year old mother trying to finish school. I wanted more for my child.
I talked to Derek. Then, we agreed that while we both wanted children, it wasn’t the best time. I made an appointment at a local clinic. They were amazing. I went in and they were so kind and non-judgmental. They did blood tests and ultrasounds and a counselor talked to me. Derek was upset he couldn’t go in the room for the procedure, but it was the rule and they had an advocate in there. A young woman who was kind and held my hand the whole time. I honestly am so grateful for the kindness and gentle manner in which they treated me. Sometimes, I think we forget that all a young woman needs is someone to understand. I had turned to my mother, but she didn’t agree with me or support my decision. I felt I was doing what was right and it was so great to have people help me through it.
There were protesters outside, but they weren’t too bad. The entire visit was around 5 ½ hours long, but I was happy they were so thorough. The actual procedure took less than 5 minutes. It was quite painful, but it was short. Afterwards as I sat with a heating pad I felt horrible, like I was a monster. I didn’t feel bad for having an abortion as my mother had feared (she later admitted she had an abortion as a teenager and never got over the guilt). What made me feel the worst was that I didn’t feel guilty. It was a bit sad and I felt bad the pregnancy ever happened, but I never felt guilty or bad about the abortion. However, I made a promise to myself that day in the clinic. I told myself that I would never be in there again. Mistakes happen even if you are careful- and I was. But, you can move past one mistake. I decided this was my one and only trip to the abortion clinic.
I don’t regret my decision and I’ve stopped feeling bad for not feeling guilty about it. I will have children some day and they will be wanted, loved, and welcomed. I will have them when I can take care of them and give them all that I have to give. In the meantime, I realize that I aborted a fetus that was only 5-6 weeks along. It was not a child, and it is better that I didn’t allow it to become a child. I’m confident I did the right thing and I want to say that I’m grateful for this site. Sometimes, I think we feel worse because we don’t think we feel as guilty or bad as we should…however, after reading these stories, I realize I’m not abnormal. I am a young woman who has her whole life in front of her and could not have been the mother any child deserves. I know I did the best thing and it wasn’t easy. None of the decisions are easy. It isn’t easy to decide to raise a child or give it away, and it isn’t easy to have an abortion. However, I believe in the ability of women to think for themselves and do what is right for them. No matter what anyone says, I don’t regret what I did and I don’t feel guilty, because I did the right thing for me and the fetus I carried. I hope other girls don’t have to be in the position I was in. But, if they are, I sincerely hope they have the courage to make the right decision for them-whatever that may be-and that they have people who love and support them.
