I have always been pro choice, but like many pro-choicers, I always believed that, if faced with an unwanted pregnancy, I would not choose an abortion. However this all changed when the idea of a potential pregnancy became my reality.
I had been in a relationship over a year, was about to begin my last year at college, and had many plans for the future. When my period was late I knew I was pregnant. Not only because I have never missed a period before in my life, but because I felt different. I was nauseous all the time; my breasts were so tender that it hurt to put on a t-shirt. I had terrible cramps in my stomach, and, most importantly, I just felt odd. We are so bombarded with media images of glowing happy pregnant women, blissfully holding and cooing at their swollen bellies, that we forget that this is not necessarily reality. For some pregnancy may indeed be a divine, beautiful, warm, happy, etc. experience, but this is hardly a reality for all of us. The instant my test came back positive, I knew what my decision would be. It was not at all a moral debate for me. I was not ashamed to tell the nurse that I had no interest in discussing adoption or prenatal care. I knew that I wanted an abortion, hands down.
The biggest decision for me was whether I would have a medical or surgical abortion. I surfed the web in the hopes of finding personal accounts of women who had had abortions, and who I hoped could offer my some advice on this issue. Unfortunately, I found nothing but hate from ‘pro-lifers’ who would have you believe that any and all women who decide to abort will be plagued by guilt and depression for the remainder of their bleak existence. My only regret is that I did not find this website prior to the procedure.
Three months after my abortion I still have no regrets. I am incredibly relieved with my decision, particularly every time I think about the fact that I would be nine months pregnant during my final exams, and breastfeeding on my graduation day. I understand that there are women who will feel remorse and regret after an abortion, but I also understand that this is not the way all women feel, because I am one of those women. A woman must be able to understand herself and her emotions and make the choice that is right for her. Bottom line is, you cannot know until you have been there.
