Six days ago, I discovered I was pregnant. It was the worst feeling I’ve ever had. It felt like the blood drained out of the back of my skull. I was in the bathroom at Sears. I wandered around the mall in a daze. I felt sick, and angry at myself. 2 weeks before, my boyfriend of 5 years and I had gone camping. I realized I forgot my pills. I unfortunately had too much faith in the Pill and said I would follow dosing instructions when we got back, two nights later. There has been several occasions in the past when I was shocked NOT to be pregnant, considering how active we are and how slightly inconsistent I was with my Pills. I was even a bit worried that there might be something wrong with me or him. One good part of all this is now I know we’re pretty fertile!
We are 27 years old. I’ve always been pro-choice, but always thought it was ridiculous for a woman to accidentally get pregnant, given the availability and affordability of birth control. Guess that’ll teach me! I also feel a bit guilty being my age, and it being my first pregnancy. I ought to be more responsible at 27. But, I was a late bloomer. I didn’t even lose my virginity until I was 22. I also don’t have a car, we live in a terrible neighborhood and are not married. I refuse to raise a child under these circumstances. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us. I grew up in poverty, no car, no money, divorced parents, and clothes from the Salvation Army. My childhood was dark and sad. I will not allow my future children to suffer just because I was so careless as to forget my pill. I want my next pregnancy to be planned and a happy experience.
I finished a medical abortion yesterday. It was much easier than I thought it would be, they give you al this pain medication and tell you to have someone with you, and warn you of excessive bleeding, which scared me. The worst was waiting to take the Cytotec; anticipating pain, but with Ibuprofen it wasn’t any worse than cramps, and it was over in a few hours. It feels a little weird passing the clots, but doesn’t hurt. It feels very natural, and I’m surprised how good I feel now. Relieved, ready to continue living my life on my terms.
It wasn’t a baby, it was a mass of tissue. True, it had the potential to be a child, but every egg and sperm in everyone’s bodies has the potential for life. If that’s what everyone’s so concerned with, maybe we should all quit our jobs, get in bed and make sure all our eggs and sperm reach their full potential. If we think that way, we’re denying life to a child every time we menstruate! I’m 100% not sorry.
