Do I regret my abortion? Not one bit. I thought I could end up regretting it before I did it or that I would end up feeling horrible and guilty, but the only thing I ended up feeling was relief.
The day that I found out I was pregnant was very surreal. I really thought I was before hand because I was experiencing common pregnancy symptoms and was a few days late for my period. I was so nervous, but none of my friends (except for one who has a child) really took me seriously and my boyfriend doubted it as well. Maybe it was because of this that the day I found out I was so shocked.
I’m a college student and very responsible in every other aspect. I had just gotten back with my boyfriend and this time we are very passionate about our relationship. We didn’t have a condom and were in a situation where we couldn’t go get any so we ended up using the unreliable withdraw method. I never thought it was way too risky, but I do come from a very large family because of the fact that the women tend to be incredibly fertile!
Regardless of how I got myself in to the situation I knew I had to get out of it because I have so many important things going on in my life right now. I cried so hard when the nurse accidentally opened up my folder revealing a small piece of paper that said POSITIVE before sending me back to the waiting room. I thought of the grants I was just awarded to help me get through school. I thought of how hard I have worked and how close I am to having a double major already. I always said I could never have an abortion, but strongly supported women with their decision if they felt it was best. I am proof though that your mind can change when you end up in that situation.
When I finally talked to the doctor she was so kind to me and understood that the results put me in a terrible position. When she asked if I could talk to my family I cried even harder—my parents are both very emotionally unbalanced and suffer from severe anxiety and my dad suffers from panic attacks which he is sometimes hospitalized for. My oldest brother is 25 and has the mental capacity of a one year old because he is mentally retarded. My other brother is mentally ill. He’s been homeless and in and out of jail all the time. This helped me to put things in to perspective and realize I shouldn’t have to go through with my pregnancy. There would be no one to support me mentally or emotionally that could compensate for the way my family makes me feel and I certainly wouldn’t have had the money to go through with it.
There were a couple of people who tried to talk me out of it. They told me I would feel regret and remorse for it, but they were WRONG. The day I went in for the actual procedure I had a little bit of doubt, but I thought of how comfortable my boyfriend and I had felt about the decision earlier. I knew it was right for me. I was given valium to help me relax before the tissue was removed (vacuumed) and when they dilated my cervix and gave me local anesthesia I felt fine. I experienced cramping when they removed everything, but it was nothing worse than the cramps I have during my period and it only lasted a few minutes. I can’t believe how quick everything was and I felt good and well almost automatically. There was hardly any bleeding and three days later it completely stopped.
Now I can make it to all of my classes without sleeping through them or leaving to go vomit in the bathroom (I felt like I had really bad influenza for three weeks). My emotions are back to normal and I am feeling happy. I will do everything to prevent this from happening again, but I feel relieved now. My boyfriend was very supportive and he makes sure that I am still feeling okay with the decision every day. There will always be doctors that support my choice and friends that I can talk to about it so, overall I feel just like my old self again.
