Sep 062010

I had my first abortion last year, almost to the day. I am now scheduled for my second on October 16th. I never thought I’d find myself in this situation again. I am married with 2 children and was a stay at home mom till they both got in school. I returned to work after that. I never ever thought of myself as someone who would have an affair, I always said it was something I would never do, well, never say never. I fell in love and started having a relationship with someone at work. He also was married and had children. Pretty soon his wife started suspecting something was up. He told me from the very beginning of our relationship that he would never divorce his wife, he knew she would never let him see his children again if he left her. I was ok with that as I didn’t want to raise my children as a single divorced mother, besides, I really did love my husband.

After a couple years working together and carrying on a relationship, he requested a transfer to another office. I was devastated. I really loved this man; he told me he loved me too, but knew he had to leave to save his marriage. So he moved 6 hours away to another state. He drove home every weekend till his family would be moved out there, meeting me somewhere on his way back to spend a little time together. At one point, he asked me to take a couple vacation days and drive out to see him which I did on several occasions. One of these such occasions, we were so excited to see each other that we neglected to take any birth control measures. I ended up pregnant. This was an enormous problem and I called him immediately to tell him; we both cried. The problem was that my husband had had a vasectomy after our 2nd child was born. I couldn’t have this baby, and we both knew it. He drove up that weekend so we could discuss what to do, in his eyes the only option was abortion, deep down I knew he was right, but I didn’t want to accept it. I was so shocked, but I ended up having it done the following week. He couldn’t be there for me, but my sister was. I was really lucky to have her, it’s not something you want to do alone.

After that, we didn’t see each other quite as often. I made a couple trips to see him, he made a couple to see me. We both tried to calm things down to get back into our marriages and families. We kept in touch though. Just recently he was transferred back to this area. I was so happy, yet worried, I knew being this close to each other would only ignite the flames that we had been trying to get a grip on and it did. His first day back in the area and he asked me to see him and I did. This is when I once again got pregnant. I knew 2 weeks after being with him that I was. I could just tell. I know this pregnancy like the other, cannot happen. I haven’t told him yet and I’m not quite sure I’m going to. I don’t think he could take it. It was so hard on him the first time, so much sadness. I’m ashamed I’m back in this situation and am determined that after going thru this for the 2nd time, that I will NOT end up here again. Nothing is worth this. I know it’s the right decision for me, and I will not regret it, but I have learned a hard lesson. I am so grateful that we live in a country where women who have made mistakes have somewhere to turn. I am returning to the same clinic I visited the first time, they made me feel like I wasn’t alone and I never felt like I was being judged. They were very supportive and am I very grateful.

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