Sep 062010

I had my abortion one week ago today. I’d never really thought too much about abortion before. I guess I always thought a woman had the right to choose, but I thought I never could or would do it.

I’m 25 years old and happily married. I’m financially stable and have a good career. My husband and I were actually trying to get pregnant for the past 3 years or so. Not trying too hard, but not careful either. But the past few months I started to see a doctor to get more aggressive on becoming pregnant. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to after going so long without getting pregnant. I went on a fertility drug to induce ovulation. It worked the first month I took it. That would have been great except while my husband was out of town for the military for a week, I made a terrible mistake. I cheated on him with a guy friend that I’ve known for a long time. One of the bad things of it, this guy is going out with one of my friends. We’ve had a few flings off and on over the years but it had been a long time since we had been together sexually. He came over and we had too many drinks and one thing led to another. The next day I couldn’t believe what I had done. I guess I was so used to not getting pregnant time after time I thought in the back of my mind it won’t happen. WRONG.

I took about 6 tests because the line was so faint, I just couldn’t believe it. The doctor confirmed the next day yes indeed I was. I had so many mixed emotions. I was happy, sad, mad all at once. I was mainly mad at myself for what I’d done. How could I be so dumb to do that especially since I was on a fertility drug? I am a smart person and should have known better. I guess I’m sure most of us look back on things we’ve done and thought that we should have known better. Out of shock I told my husband and my family. They were all so happy. Of course everyone thought it was my husband’s, which it could have been. Before I knew it, everyone knew and they were so happy for me. Inside I was panicking. What if it wasn’t my husband’s? There’s no way I was going to take that risk. If it wasn’t his, I would have broken so many hearts and ruined my marriage. I didn’t want a baby with this other person! Luckily I have one friend who I trust who lives far away that I could talk to about everything. She said she would stand by me no matter what. She helped me through just listening.

Once I made the decision to have it done I was more at peace with myself. The day I went I was there for about 4 hours and I went alone. It was almost a 3-hour drive. I wasn’t nervous or scared until I saw the protesters outside. But I held my head high and ignored them as I went in. Once I got in I was able to relax. I went through all the tests and went through a one on one counseling session. The procedure it’s self wasn’t bad at all. I thought it would be worse, since I don’t tolerate pain well. I just had ibuprofen for the pain. I’ve had menstrual cramps worse than that pain. It’s been 7 days now and I only have light bleeding left. I told everyone that I had a miscarriage. I don’t like to lie but I don’t think anything good would come out of anyone knowing, just more heartache.

I feel relief because I know that I will NEVER cheat on my husband again and take my happiness for granted. I’m turning my abortion into a positive thing. I’m going to grow from it and learn from my mistake. I’m now a better person because of it. I hope to try to get pregnant again soon and I hope I will be able to with no problem. I’m just going to give myself a little time to heal physically and emotionally. I think it’s very important for woman to continue to have the right to choose. We need to get out and vote for the officials who support the right to choose. I chose the best decision for me, and I am not sorry and I never will be.

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