Mag’s Story

My name is Mag, I am 26 years old and I have had two surgical abortions. I decided to write my story because I just came across a pro-life website that literally made me ill. I kept thinking that if enough people said that abortion helped them or made them a better person, more people would listen and more would try and understand. I had the first abortion in March of 1999, March 31st to be exact. I had the abortion about 30 miles away from my home, my parents paid for it, and my boyfriend went with me. I did not plan on becoming pregnant; I was on the Pill. A simple antibiotic for an eye infection made the Pill useless. When I found out I was pregnant I was in my bathroom. I remember looking at the test and thinking, “Yeah, right”. Well, it was right.

My boyfriend was in the other room at the time, and he was not the first person I told. In fact, who I told doesn’t matter, the fact that each and every person I told was supportive of my decision to have an abortion is important. I waited two weeks for the procedure-how weird to know you are pregnant but won’t be in a few weeks. I tried to pretend I wasn’t pregnant for a while, but that didn’t work. I did form a slight bond with child during that short time. I talked to him/her, told him/her about why I was having an abortion. I even said I was sorry a few times…sorry I couldn’t give my baby the life it deserved. Needless to say, the two weeks came to an end, and I found myself at the clinic. It was a very nice place, very clean, maybe a little too sterile and not to “warm”. They took blood from me, took my blood pressure and I did some paperwork. I went into the room, got the “gas” and had the procedure. It hurt, like cramps, but nothing more. The nice thing was that they kept telling me how much time was left in the procedure. I listened to my Walkman, so all I could hear was the music and the nurse who was right by my head. I didn’t want to hear the suction. When the procedure was done, I got up, apparently too quickly. I started sobbing, ran to my boyfriend, and then immediately into the bathroom…I got sick from the sedation I think. Anyway, we got some after care instructions and medicine and drove home. I remember calling my mom and she was wonderful … she always is.

My second abortion was almost 14 months ago. I was on the pill once again, only I don’t know what caused it to fail this time. The clinic I went to the second time was absolutely wonderful. The counselors, nurses, receptionist, and doctor made it as painless as possible. In fact, I want to commend Dr. Cousins and her staff for the amazing job they do each and every day. This abortion was different. I saw my “baby” (sac) on the ultrasound screen; I touched the screen and said goodbye. I had this procedure under Demerol sedation and this time I threw up all over a nurse. She simply laughted and stroked my head. I don’t remember any pain, noise, and anything that was negative really. I went into a waiting room, where my mom called me. My boyfriend was with me for this abortion as well, but my mother made sure she was no more than a phone call away. I recovered from this abortion much easier than the first. I think I was more mature and more educated on allowing myself to have feelings. For the longest time I felt like I couldn’t feel bad about the abortions because I made the decisions to have them. But I was wrong…I had all the right in the world to feel bad, and I did. I am a very “maternal” person and I love children. BUT, I am also smart enough to know how much quality time and effort a child takes … I could not give that either time. I now wear a bracelet on my arm that has both children’s birthstones and my own birthstone … it is my place to put my children that weren’t ready to come into this world. If anyone reads this and takes anything from it, please know that you have the right to feel however you choose; whether it is sad, relieved, happy, upset, mad, or just confused…those are all proper emotions and please feel them because stuffing your emotions away does so much more harm than good. To editor and site director: Thank you for allowing us to have a “place” to put our stories and share- you may not really know how much that means.