I have had 3 abortions. I had an abortion in early 80’s when I was 20. I told my sister and she said don’t have it and ruin your life. My 18 year old boyfriend offered to marry me, but I said no. He sold his Camaro and paid for me to have an abortion in a hospital with my gyno, but that was the end of our relationship.
4 years later, I got pregnant again with some guy I barely knew. He still drove me to a clinic and paid half. It was all a blur. I can barely remember anything about it.
Fast forward 20 years – I am 44 and found out a couple of weeks ago I was pregnant.
I am finally ready to settle down and am looking for someone to get serious with and maybe get married. I was seeing someone and I was on the pill. The pill was making me sick and I knew I wasn’t going to continue seeing this guy, so I went off the pill. We had a vacation planned and I decided to go ahead and go. I had been off the pill for 1 week. I had my period during the trip and we did it once and I thought I was safe. I continued to see him a few times after that, but broke it off with him and then 2 weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. I went through every thought possible. Do I have it alone and not tell him? Do I have it and give it up for adoption? One of my sisters really wants to adopt even though she has 4 already – do I give it to her? I can afford it, but can I give a child everything it needs as a single person? He/she would have a disadvantage not having a father and I just couldn’t do that. Bastard came to mind … I know it is 2006, but there is still that stigma. For me, I didn’t care, but I care for the child’s life.
I decided to call the father (43) and tell him. He told me a million times before he did not want kids, so I knew he wouldn’t want it especially since I had broke it off with him, which is exactly one of the reasons I did break it off. All he said when I told him was he had to think about it. Well, before he had even called me, I decided I wasn’t going to bring a child in to the world this way. So, I called him and told him I needed him to bring me to a clinic and I wanted him to pay half. He agreed and it has been 4 days now and I am still cramping a little and spotting a little, but I know it was the right decision. Am I sad, yes, this time I am because I am ready to have one, but not under these circumstances and I need a partner who wants to go through it with me. Being pregnant is not easy and bringing a child into this world is not easy. There were protesters at the clinic I went to and I wanted to yell back at them, “don’t you have something better to do – like help a single mom with her baby!”
