Sep 052010

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I had my abortion today –March 24th 2007.

I found out I was pregnant exactly one week today. My period was late and this time I knew. I say this time because my body felt different. I’d have headaches (which are very rare for me), evening nausea, breast tenderness and ridiculous crying everyday. My method of birth control has always been the rhythm method. I just thought that I might be infertile (8 years being sexually active, but with only two monogamous relationships) … little did I know.

That day I took a home pregnancy test and my fiancé confirmed what I already knew. I cried a bit, but knew where to call (I researched online the different clinics the week before). I called and scheduled my appointment for today.

The whole week before my scheduled date, I was a mess. I was terrified. Luckily, I have a twin sister who I confided in. She too had an abortion when she was younger and she reassured me that everything would be fine. She even went with me today.

My appointment was scheduled for 11:15 a.m.. Me, my sister and fiancé drove together. Unbelievably I was calm. And I’m never calm. The waiting was long, but secretly I liked it as long as I wasn’t in the back getting the ‘procedure’. They finally called my name and the process went like this (keep in mind the times aren’t exact, I kept checking any available clock).

11:45 – the counselor asked I pee in the cup and meet with her to talk about my health history. And that was it. She didn’t list other options or made me feel bad. She was very professional.

12:00 – fiancé paid the $395.00

12:15 – changed into a blue gown with booties and had my vitals checked. The nurse was VERY kind and supportive. I told her that I felt so appreciate to have them here helping women. She looked at me and gave me a hug. That’s when I cried. I cried because I felt safe.

12:45 – met with another nurse to have an examination and ultrasound. She didn’t tell me how many weeks I was or show me my ultrasound.

1:00 – had my blood taken and waited.

1:45 –went to the ‘room’ and had an I.V. inserted and went to sleep.

I woke up with slight cramps and in a different room with other girls. I didn’t feel bad, but relieved it was all over.

I can’t say I felt bad and I’m still waiting for the “emotions” to take over. I only feel guilty because I don’t feel guilty (if that makes sense). It’s a decision I made and have absolutely no regrets. I’m not sure if I have the “right” excuse, but all I can say is that I wasn’t ready and I’m not sorry.

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