Sep 052010

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I am 45 and single. I grew up in a small town thinking everyone married and had babies, that it was inevitable, but then after college I moved to the city and realized that it was a choice. I thought that perhaps one day I might find myself in a relationship that made the thought of marriage and family seem a natural result, but that did not happen, and I have no regrets.

I like being single. I like feeling free. I am an artist and a writer, and I like to work on my own work, come and go as I please, have my own friends. I value my independence.

I have had two abortions, one at age 29 and another at 35. Both times, upon realizing I was pregnant, I immediately knew that I wanted to end the pregnancies. In both cases I was involved in relationships that I did not foresee to be long-lasting. I was never interested in being a single mom. I respect motherhood, but it is not what I wanted for myself.

I have always felt very grateful that I was able to easily make the choice to end these pregnancies. Each of the procedures was in a calm, clean office setting where I felt safe and relaxed and well cared for. There was a bit of discomfort, not unlike a visit to the dentist, but nothing worse. It was not a traumatic experience.

Naturally from time to time I’ve wondered how my life would be different if I’d made different decisions about lots of different things, and it’s the same with my abortions. I’ve come to respect my instincts and feelings, and I know that I make my decisions honestly. As I approach my middle-age and begin to notice my hormone levels shifting, I’m especially glad for the decisions I made. I’m not sorry, I’m relieved.

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