Sep 052010

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I had three abortions, all during college with the same partner. We later married and had three kids, and he walked out on me after 16 years. I found a new partner and have had two miscarriages. I’m currently pregnant with our first child.

After my miscarriages, I have learned that there is no way to predict whether a pregnancy will “take” or not. It often doesn’t have anything to do with the health of the mom… it’s a roll of the dice. One in five pregnancies will end in miscarriage, and now I don’t see an abortion as anything other than an induced miscarriage.

Many lost pregnancies were badly wanted, cared for, prayed for…. and that has no bearing on whether they develop or not. Twenty percent of them will spontaneously abort (even if they’ve been developing fine up until then). There is no difference between my brain deciding to abort a baby, and my body making that decision for me. Both ways end the pregnancy.

There are no guarantees in life or in birth. SIDS, stillbirth, infection, toxemia, cord accidents, and so many other tragedies take our babies from us. Babies die. It happens. Not too long ago, most of them died. We are in a strange time, where “premium” babies are promised by OBs and hospitals, people buy infant orphans, and fertility treatments are big money.

If new babies weren’t such a commodity, there wouldn’t be much fuss about abortion.

I have no regrets about the decisions I’ve made. I was a little sad after each abortion, but I was sad after my miscarriages, too. And those sadnesses really don’t hold a candle to the postpartum depression I’ve had with each kid! So every path has challenges and “what if” questions that can be dwelled upon…

Or you can live with the consequences of your decisions, and do the best you can with the resources you have at hand. Really, isn’t that all we can do?

No, I’m not sorry.

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