None of my best friends or family know this story. I was a sophomore in college, but I do not offer that as an excuse. I was in a committed relationship but knew that at age 19 I was not prepared to raise a child. I still had 2 years of college left, and I could not imagine getting the emotional and monetary support necessary to raise a child. This was not an easy choice for me. I have always been pro-choice, but I wasn’t prepared for how I felt about being pregnant. I felt “morning” sickness pretty much all day long, complete with throwing up several times a day. But the changes in my body also felt wonderful and magical. My breasts felt heavy and full and I felt very protective and careful of my body. Someday I want to be a stay at home mom, but I knew this was not the right time.
I went to a Planned Parenthood clinic about an hour from my college. After paying I had an ultrasound and met with a counselor who basically asked me if I had thought of other options such as adoption. I looked at the ultrasound picture on her desk, which basically looked like a small black blob. Then I returned to the waiting room for about 10 minutes. I was called back to the procedure room. The nurse was apparently having a fight with the doctor, and as I was laying down on the chair she read something, mumbled, and threw the clipboard across the room. Obviously this made me pretty upset and worried. I asked if she was going to be in the room for the procedure and found out she was the one who was going to sit next to me. The doctor came in and introduced himself. He explained that I had to hold the nurse’s hand and talk to her the entire time, and that if I stopped talking he stopped working. I hadn’t read much on the procedure, and I didn’t even know until years later that anesthesia was available. I wish I had, because the vacuum sounds were not pleasant. And neither was having to answer a strangers questions about my family, college, etc. Afterwards I had juice and watched t.v. in the recovery room. The girl next to me had been raped at a college party and the other woman already had 4 children and could not afford to take care of another one. I was given pain medication to take for the next 2 days. My boyfriend was nervously waiting for me at the door. We were escorted out a back door, even though there hadn’t been any protesters on our way in. I skipped classes the next day and then returned to school. I desperately wanted to be able to tell my friends what I was going through, but I didn’t want my family to find out and I wasn’t ready to defend myself. I wish that I had been more informed of my options, such as being able to get anesthesia, which would have made the procedure a whole lot easier to get through. I eventually broke up with that boyfriend but I realize I am lucky that he was supportive of me.
I am so thankful that I had this choice. I have never shared my story with family or friends. I hope that sharing my story with you is the first step for me to be able to openly talk about abortion and my experiences. Some day I would love to be able to work at and support a Planned Parenthood to ensure that every woman has the right to make her own decisions about her body.
