My partner and I have been together for almost 3 years now. I’m 24, he’s 28, we spoke about having children, we got to a point in our relationship where we thought well what do we do next? I wasn’t on the pill for about 3 months however around about that time my feelings for him changed a little and we spoke about separating. That was about the time when I found out I was pregnant. I was about to go back on the pill and the test I did turned up positive…. I wasn’t excited nor was he. We just kind stared at the stick in our bathroom and didn’t really say a lot. We definitely were not as excited as I had envisioned.
I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant, we were going to keep the baby, told friends and family. However at the 9th week I had changed my mind. I had suffered incredible morning/all day sickness, and something just came over me saying this really is not my time to be having a baby. My boyfriend couldn’t touch me or kiss me without me cringing. I found that every time people started talking about my being pregnant I didn’t want to hear about it. I stopped smiling and was definitely not myself for those 3 weeks leading up to my decision. One day I got home from work crying in the bathtub as I was too scared to tell my boyfriend how I was feeling when my boyfriend came home from work. I told him there and then that I really did not want this baby. We had our whole lives ahead of us. I felt bad saying this to him however he felt the same way did not pressure me in any way and was extremely supportive. Yes he was disappointed as he is a little older however the decision was from the both of us. So we both sat down and decided it best to make the appointment, there was one the following week. I was very lucky. That week felt like a decade to me, I was nervous and excited and felt guilty as we had told our friends and family, they knew how sick I had been, what were we going to tell them all. We made our decision on what to say and that was that. During the whole week and the night before my early appointment I made sure that my partner was all right and he made sure I was.
I now know that it was really foolish to decide to have a baby just because we thought it was what was expected of our relationship. This ordeal bought us a lot closer; we’re more considerate of each other and realize that we shouldn’t ever just jump into something just because. He came with me to the clinic and came back when it was all over. As I came out of the recovery room I had a lovely nurse whose hand I grabbed and started talking about my future, she was from Korea and I was discussing how much I wanted to travel with her, so it was a definite positive and freeing experience. When I walked out I felt relieved and a little sad however more relieved than anything. My sickness which I had right up to my appointment had subsided by at least half and I no longer felt like my partner wasn’t allowed to hug or kiss me. By the next day I felt fine except for the bleeding and a few slight cramps however they were gone with in a few days and the spotting a few weeks. I am definitely not sorry, I’m sorry that we dragged our family and friends into it however, it is my body and ultimately my decision so that’s it really.
