I had an abortion about 12 years ago, I don’t recall the exact date, even the month. I was in my junior year of college. I had a one night stand of sorts that I went back to every couple of months or so, if neither of us had anything going on. Very soon following the conception I got a horrible flu and was bedridden for a week and on a non-safe for pregnancy drug. After I recovered from that, I realized very quickly that something was up, even before I should have had any clue. I waited for the first day of my period (always like clockwork) and got a test, which was positive.
The next morning I called around to the clinics (the closest one was 4 hours away) and found the cheapest one and was able to make an appointment for the following week. I didn’t have a car, but had a bunch of awesome friends. They drove me over the night before. That morning I got my first taste of morning sickness. There was only one protestor outside of the clinic, and she wasn’t into the fire and brimstone.
I had my counseling session, and I remember feeling pretty detached during that. This was just an unpleasant medical procedure to get through, I didn’t really feel like talking it to death. I’d already done all of that, if I hadn’t I wouldn’t have been in that room. The counselor seemed satisfied, and we went into the procedure room. I don’t recall an ultrasound being done, but I think it must have happened, because they dated the pregnancy. I was less than 6 weeks at that point, and they informed me they were just going to stick in a syringe and remove the cells. I’ve never heard of this happening before, and honestly have never read about it since, but that’s what my experience was.
They laid me down on a table, and a nurse gave me a valium and some pain killer and held my hand and told me she was there for me and wouldn’t leave. She was incredibly kind. In a few minutes it was over, and I went into the recovery room. There were girls in obvious pain and I felt sorry for them. One of my friends was waiting in the waiting room, and we got in the car and started the drive back.
I waited a long time for the regret I was told I would feel to set in. 12 years later and I’m still waiting. I did worry that when I had my gorgeous baby girl earlier this year that it would bring up some undealt with feelings, but again, nothing. I wasn’t ready then, and it was the best decision I could have made for myself. I’m not sorry.
