Sep 052010

True story: I lost my virginity, at age 21, to a gay guy and got pregnant the very same night. It was the Spring of 1984, the beginning of the age of AIDS, and I was a senior in college and a late bloomer in all respects. It was within a matter of days that I KNEW I was pregnant. Michael and I had actually been dating and considered each other boyfriend and girlfriend. Deep inside I knew he was gay but he presented himself as “bi” to me and because I was a punker, it seemed like a cool thing to have a boyfriend who was bi. But the last thing I wanted was to be pregnant as a Senior in college and by a guy who was already talking about becoming a male prostitute. Michael and I were having problems and we broke up briefly around that time. My mother came for a visit and when she walked in the door, I was crying. The first thing I said was, “Michael and I broke up and I think I’m pregnant.” My mother handled it very well, considering. I remember the first words out of her mouth were: “you’re having an abortion.” It was a statement, not a question, and it was the statement I wanted to hear. I wasn’t ready to have a baby and 24 years later, it’s a good thing. My maternal instinct, my biological clock, never kicked in. I am child-free by choice and couldn’t be happier. My mother made an appointment for me at an abortion clinic in the city nearest to my hometown. By that time Michael and I were back together. He and my mother accompanied me. It was a very positive experience in all respects. I was less than a month pregnant and the procedure went well with no problems.

It was what I wanted, what Michael wanted, and my mother supported us. Although later that weekend my mother did her best to break us up. She knew it was a dead end relationship and she was worried about AIDS. That said, I went on birth control pills immediately and never got pregnant again.

Every once in a while I think to myself, “I could have a kid right now.” That kid would be 24 this year. I have no regrets though. I’ve been very happily married for more than 10 years to a man who has three kids of his own. They are currently 22, 25 and 28. I am glad abortion is legal and I wish that more teens and young, single women would choose to use birth control, rather than get pregnant. I also wish that these pregnant girls would give their babies up for adoption or, yes, even have an abortion, rather than thinking that raising a child on their own is okay or that it will solve all their problems.

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