I am twenty-one years old, going on twenty-two. I just had an abortion two weeks ago. How do I feel now, you wonder? Normal. I was always pro-choice, but the day I found out I was pregnant I was soooo confused. I was scared, depressed, and happy all at once. I would forget I was pregnant and then ten seconds later I’d remember. So I quit drinking and smoking until I decided what I wanted to do. Part of me wanted to keep it, like anyone, I got excited too. But then the truth doomed on me too at the same time. There were just too many cons versus pros. I was young, wanted to go back to college, and I just started getting my life together. I felt like I wanted more out of my life. I liked my job, just moved into an apartment with my boyfriend, and wanted nice things. Plus on top of that I didn’t want to have a baby with my boyfriend yet. He needs help himself and I knew he wouldn’t be there for me after I would have had it. He wasn’t there for the other two, so why would I be different. Why bring a child into a world where mommy and daddy weren’t even sure that they would last forever. Having a child without a dad to be there for it is not right. And I know! I always said I would give everything to my baby but right now I wouldn’t be able to. I didn’t want to see my baby suffer. I wanted it to have a future and the possibility to have whatever it wanted. So I started thinking about abortion and the more I thought about it I started thinking it was the right one. Selfish? I don’t think I am, I dealt with a problem I had and probably made the hardest decision ever, but the right one.
So a week later I made an appointment at the Hope Clinic. I was nervous, and kept wondering how bad it would hurt. So my boyfriend and I went there and there were protestors out there, actually a lot of them. They acted like they didn’t have a life and the most they could do out of their pathetic lives was make other people feel bad about their decisions. Who are they to judge? Well, that’s what I kept thinking about when I was walking past them. So finally inside, it wasn’t that bad. The nurses at the Hope Clinic were so nice I couldn’t believe it. Understanding and so caring and so helpful, I felt the nervousness disappearing. I found out I was seven weeks and two days far. I tried calculating exactly when it was I got pregnant, but gave up after I while. The abortion didn’t hurt, felt actually like a pinch plus I gotten a shot right before that, that made me so relaxed and out-of-it, sort of like I was in my own little world. After that I went home, took a nap, ate, and was back to normal. My boyfriend has been very understanding and by my side (surprisingly) since then.
I am on the Depo shot right now since I don’t plan on having children until I am fully in control of my life. But the only thing I don’t like about it is how my moods are messed up. I guess it’s called the baby-blues. Just the other day, I was hanging around my boyfriend’s four-year-old son, and everything was fine up until he was playing in the tub and that’s when it happened. Out of nowhere for no reason I started crying. I just felt this sad, very deep-sad feeling come over me. And it wasn’t that I was crying over what I didn’t have, it was that I was crying for no apparent reason. And about ten minutes later I was fine like nothing ever happened. Do I ever sit and think if I had made the wrong choice? Who doesn’t? Everyone contradicts their decisions, but at the end I usually come up with the same conclusion. That it was the best decision for me right now, and that makes it better. The pregnancy was a wake-up call for me. I am going back to college in fall and finishing up my associates in paralegal. But I really couldn’t have done it without my mom, my boyfriend, my brother and my closest friends who were all there for me and always will be. And especially the doctor ad nurses at the Hope Clinic. So what did I get out of this whole experience? Not a happy fairytale ending like everyone wishes for, but instead I came out a different person. I am just so happy that I had a choice to choose!!!!!
