Josephine’s Story

So how could it be that I could spend $200 on contraceptive sponges to only find out that I have an allergy to the latex and the spermicide? Condoms were always slipping or ripping, and I could not endure how “the pill” made me feel. So, I learned to count days, and knew when I was supposedly safe. But over 40 and recently divorced, I only thought that I knew how to best take care of myself. My ob/gyn pretty well refused to give me a tubal, and said that I should convince my boyfriend to be snipped. Ha! He was not convinced, and I should have abstained. He has two kids, and I don’t have any. Educated, capable and upper middle class- I sat in the clinic’s waiting room knowing that I did not want to be a mom. I felt like the teenagers in the waiting room, and I was just concerned as they. Deeply troubled by the whole of it all, I knew that there was nothing that I could do to separate myself from God, and I remain forgiven. This was situational, and I’d tried to prevent it. How was this choice any different than the others I’ve made my whole life? God gave me free will. How is this any different that the decision to use contraception? It’s all “playing God” at the most basic level. I didn’t feel good about the body changes, and I hated the thought of being pregnant. The mass growing inside was not a child because it was not to be my reality. No naming and such relief that it was over. It hurt like hell, but I’ve not bled at all really. Just a few spots the first day. I feel like ME again, and I just wish that my tender boobs would get back to normal. This was 6 weeks after missing my period, and if you are going to opt out…. do it early. Everything I’ve read points to an easier time. Oh yeah, if you can have the IV sedative, I’d go for that too. This was the worst pain I’ve ever had, even with meds. It may be called selfish, but I know that I did what was right for me. I was true to myself, and in this world that’s a lot.