Sep 032010

I am 19 now. When I was 17 I was saving my virginity for someone special. Well, things didn’t work out the way I planned. One night I went drinking at a house party and in that state of mind I was raped. I begged him to stop and I told him I was a virgin and he didn’t care. He had his hands around my neck and his knees pressed into me so I wasn’t able to move. When it was over he spit in my face, called me a piece of shit and threw me off the bed. By the time my friends got there to help it was too late. So there I was a virgin, being raped…I didn’t think things were able to get any worse.

The morning after I told my mom because I didn’t know who else to tell. I was only 17, still on my parents health plan. She was upset, she even cried. She took me to an OB/GYN, a very nice woman, brand new to the practice and she gave me a pap smear, a pelvic exam, antibiotics since he didn’t use a condom in case I had caught any disease, prescribed me morning after pills and an anti-viral injection so I wouldn’t get syphilis. It was way to early for them to know If I was pregnant or not anyway but still Dr. Dori gave me a test, it came out negative. The morning after pills made me vomit so they didn’t help. A week later I tested positive for pregnancy. My mother and the doctor didn’t even question if I wanted to keep the child because I was RAPED … all those non-choice FREAKS who think abortion is such a horrible violent crime, so is RAPE… I had every right to go through the procedure that I went through…

At 4 weeks the embryo wasn’t large enough to be removed. I needed to have an ultra sound done at 6 weeks to have the procedure done. Dr. Dori wasn’t a cold or bitter woman either. She was great and made me feel very comfortable about everything. I was put out for the entire procedure. I wasn’t too nervous until I walked into the operating room and the doors closed behind me. I was okay but my mom cried before I went in because it is still surgery and General Anesthesia has still killed healthy people in the past. All I can say the worst part of that day was getting the IV. The phlebotomist didn’t know what the hell he was doing and I also have bad veins…He had to try on both of my hands several times. I looked like a heroin junkie by the time he was through with me. The anesthesiologist administered drugs to me intravenously and gave me the gas as well. I was hesitant to lie on the bed; the operating room is such a cold, dreary scary place. I got up on the bed. Dr. Dori was able to see how nervous I was and she held my hand to comfort me. I started to feel woozy … some sort of drugs were kicking in and I remember singing Christmas songs and talking about lying on a beach. After the anesthesiologist gave me the gas, he told me to count back from 99 I was out COLD. It doesn’t even feel like sleep. It’s like disappearing.

When I woke up I still felt so weak from whatever gas he gave me. 24 hours prior to the surgery I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t drink. I wasn’t even allowed to smoke a cigarette and when I woke up in the recovery room I saw apple juice and crackers so I was like “YES FOOD!!” but I was too weak to reach for them I saw my mom and was happy to see her. An hour later I was going home. I was wheeled out because I was too weak to walk. For a day or two I bled a lot. I got it done on a Thursday. Friday I didn’t go to school but I went to work that night. I think I made the right decision. For one I wasn’t in a relationship. I was only 17, I wanted to finish and high school and go to college. And I wouldn’t want to have a kid having them know one day that they were there because of rape, not out of an act of love but out of a vicious violent crime and their mother being hurt and them being a mistake. The way I see it that was no baby, it was a MISTAKE, something that shouldn’t have happened. I wasn’t out and sleeping around like some of my friends do. And that’s why I’m not sorry.

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