Jesse’s Story

I am 14 years old. I had my abortion in the beginning of last October. I met this guy (I know this sounds stupid coming from a 14 year old) a few years earlier at a lake cabin of my mom’s friend. We hung out a lot while I was there and became good friends. We knew we would never see each other again so didn’t bother to get too connected. About 2 years after that I ended up switching schools because of curiosity. Soon to find out that he went to school there also! Even though he was a year older than me, we still saw each other a lot during the day. We ended up hanging out more and more as the time passed. We decided to start dating and within a few weeks we had sex for the first time. I knew I wasn’t ready and it was a big shocker for me (it was also his first time). I’m not so sure that I liked it but we continued to have sex anyway. A few times we were caught in the heat of the moment and ended up not using a condom, but making sure he didn’t ejaculate inside of me. We didn’t know or even think that there was still a chance of me becoming pregnant. There was always some worry just because of the fact that we knew it was wrong and we weren’t suppose to be doing it. I’m not sure how many times it did happen but it was a lot. And I know that most of you are older than me and are thinking Oh My Gosh … she’s 14.

Well, I was, and I (or should I say we) made a huge mistake. I became pregnant. I *knew* (like many other girls say) that I was but I kept denying it to myself. I didn’t want to believe it. Well I came down with many bladder infections, a swollen gland down there, discharge, many things. Well, one Friday morning I puked … we thought I was sick so I stayed home and went to the doctor. My mom had work so she dropped me off and I went to get checked out. While there the doctor asked about my period and I told her that I hadn’t had it yet (being 2 weeks after when I should have gotten it). She asked if she could run a pregnancy test on me just for the heck of it (after I lied to her about being sexually active). I said yes because I thought if I said no she would know and tell my mom. When my mom picked me up I told her about the test they were doing and she asked if there was a chance of it. I lied again telling her no, there was no chance. She cancelled the test from being done and it was left at that. The next day, my boyfriend came over to hang out. Earlier that day I had made him go and get a pregnancy test to do at home. He brought it over and while my mom was out, we took it. I asked for me to do it alone because I was ashamed. After I saw the two lines, I began to bawl. After a few minutes of that, I cleaned myself up and called him in the bathroom. I showed him the test and made him check the directions again. After that, I went downstairs to call my mom home. On the phone she kept saying, “Jesse, just tell me what it is for if I need to come home right now or not.” I made her come home (not telling her) and we sat in my room. I told her that I had been sexually active and that I had lied to her. I wanted to take the test again WITH her (the test he brought had a free test in it as a bonus or whatever). We headed upstairs to take it. It showed that I was pregnant.

This was the hardest thing in the entire world. I felt like if I cried and pleaded enough someone would make it all better. Kind of like if you get in trouble and you cry enough so your mom takes you off grounded. My parents were split up and I barely see him. I was scared that he would be ashamed with me and would just not want anything to do with me anymore. I always tried to be the best person for him and I had screwed up. My boyfriend and I sat in my room the whole night talking about what to do, who to tell, and our feelings toward it. We had several talks about the whole thing. A few days later, we told his mom. I always tried to impress her so she would like me. I’m not sure if it worked … but I know this probably didn’t help any. It was pretty much already decided to have an abortion. I didn’t know much about abortions or anything like it. All I knew was that it had to be done. I was 14…just starting my life. I knew there was no way that I could take care of/raise a child. My mom made an appointment for like 2 weeks after that … as soon as it could be done.

I remember getting up early, before my sisters and everyone else to be there on time. I remember picking up my boyfriend (he came with me). I remember him laying down in the backseat and me talking to my mom in the front about everything. When we got there we walked by protesters to get in the door. I was told to wear sunglasses and not to give them any attention. We went up and checked in. Then we went and sat down. One of the ladies gave me a clipboard and a pen and told me to go down the stairs and fill out the papers attached to the clipboard. While down there, there was many other girls there. I started to really think about it while filling them out and I began to cry. I couldn’t even fill out the papers without my mom’s help (I didn’t understand or have the information to some questions). I went back up and filled out the rest. They took me to another room and I had an altrasound. Then I was taken with two other girls to a room where we were explained what would happen to us, the procedure, and understanding of everything. Then we were in there seperately so the lady could make sure I understood and still wanted to go through with it. After that, I went outside the building with one of the ladies to a few blocks away, to the courthouse. There I went in and talked to a judge (because I only had one parent’s permission). He signed for me to get one. Then I was taken back and had to go back downstairs for the procedure. Waiting there, I saw another girl my age. Then another girl sat by me and we talked. She told me her story and I told her mine. She made me feel a lot better and I hope that I helped her too.

During the procedure, everything turned out fine. I remember having one big cramp that lasted the whole procedure and I had really bad cramps for the rest of the day. I was in the waiting room for a really long time. Still today, I feel bad about it. I have dreams of shopping for baby clothes and toys and things. I have had a really hard time since the abortion. I did the right thing. I know deep down I would have not been able to give my baby a good life. I feel bad that my first baby I couldn’t have kept but I know that I will have another chance. I love my baby very much and I will never forget about him/her. He/She will always have a place in my heart. Most of the anti-abortionists believe that we don’t think anything of it. I loved my baby dearly and always will. I did what was best for my baby. All of you girls out there who have had an abortion obviously cared enough to not let your baby live a bad life. I believe that no matter what, you love your baby. Whether you planned for one or not. And that is where the controversy is. Its not that we didn’t love or care about our babies, it’s that we loved and cared so much we didn’t want them to live the way they would have. I just pray that you will never feel sorry about what you did. I don’t…