I would like to thank all for their stories as they have allowed me to move closer to healing and recovery from my experience. Here is my story, I hope it may help someone else.
I have been married since 2006 and have two wonderfully awesome kids from prior relationships. My first child arrived when I was 16, the second at age 20. I made my choice. My husband is not the father of either. He has been wonderful to them and treats them better than their biological fathers do.
My youngest child’s father left when my son was just over a year old. He does not see him, does not contribute any money and this really bothers my 16 year old. His father said he would never abandon his son. HA! My second child’s father said the same thing. He has not seen his daughter in 8 years and has not contributed a dime! Another damn HA!
I love my children and can honestly say they have changed my life for the better. Both of my kids have had to suffer through our long journey and the inability of their fathers to contribute to their physical, mental, emotional and financial well being. I can remember using sheets for diapers because I did not have money to buy them. They remember times when we had no food and I was working two jobs.
Now things have changed. We have earned a bachelor’s degree and can afford to eat. I say we because my success is just as much theirs. I was just accepted to a masters program for nursing. My husband is still in school. Now is not the right time. I do not want to see another child have to suffer and go without. And I know, no matter what I never want to depend on a man to be there ever again. I know I will never have kids again and I will never be able to give my husband a child of his own. He is okay with it too and has totally supported my decision to abort this pregnancy. We can eat now and have electricity but we still cannot afford to provide stable health insurance and sometimes basic necessities.
I completed my medication abortion last night. It sucked. Cramps were perhaps the worst for about two and a half hours, but I am fine now. I thought I would never have to be in this position again. I have had to get an abortion before. We used condoms and do not have sex if we do not have protection, period. It is Wednesday, I found out last Friday, set up an appt. with Planned Parenthood on Saturday and took ru486 on Monday. When I found out Friday, I could only manage to utter obscenities and cry for about eight hours straight.
Perhaps what has made me so angry and enraged is the fact that I have requested over and over again to be given an IUD. Each time the doctor has said no. “Uh no, you do not have a stable sexual partner, you are not a good candidate.” “You cannot get the IUD you have a history of cervical cancer.” Then the dumb ass doctor gives me a script for something that has hormones in it. Yeah right, like I’m going to take that. I always have told my doctors I cannot use the fucking shit, it gives me debilitating migraine headaches which can last up to 4 days. Symptoms persist while I am on it too. Yet they continue to not listen to me and what I NEED that will work for me. This is why I am where I am today. Upon my first visit with the clinic for medication abortion, I was assured I will get the IUD and told I should not have been denied access to proper birth control. I just feel slighted by medical providers. A woman should be given what will work for her when she asks for it!
Mostly I cried when I found out because I knew I would not be able to lean on any of my friends for support. Damn, I told my mom and now I am scared she will tell the rest of the family. I did not want to lie to my work either. But who calls in to say “I won’t be in today I have to have an abortion?” Instead, I told them I had the “flu” on Monday. Tried to work on Tuesday but had a hard time hearing other people’s problems as I am a social worker. Called out sick today with the “flu” again.
All said and done I am glad this has happened to me. It will make me a better social worker for now, a better mother, daughter, wife and friend. I plan to be a demanding, rotten patient when it comes to my needs. I dare another doctor to tell me no to birth control options. As I start my nursing career, I plan to become a strong advocate for women’s reproductive rights and choices.
Lastly, I want to say thank you Planned Parenthood for all your understanding and support. Thank you for the stories here, they have helped immensely as I feel really shut off from my female friends right now. I don’t think they would understand. Lastly, I am happy to have had abortion as an option!
I AM NOT SORRY.
