I got pregnant when I was a 24-year old university student after one act of unprotected sex with my common-law boyfriend of two years. I did not insist he wear a condom because I didn’t want to make him angry. Instead, I took the Plan B pill about 40 hours after having sex. Unfortunately, it did not work. I had been preparing to leave him because of the physical and verbal abuse I suffered. A few months before I got pregnant, my therapist asked me what line he would have to cross for me to leave him and, at that time, I did not have an answer.
My pregnancy symptoms emerged right away: within two weeks my breasts got bigger, I almost passed out at the gym and was really tired. I started researching abortion clinics in Vancouver immediately and decided on a Medical abortion before I even took a home pregnancy test. I tried to deny to myself that I could possibly be pregnant, but I was forced to buy a pregnancy test when I missed my period. When I took the test it showed a very faint pink line and I was devastated. I needed to get away from my boyfriend and was not in a position, either emotionally or financially, to raise a child on my own. I told the father that I was pregnant and, of course, I did not receive any support from him. He told me that the pregnancy test was most likely wrong.
My girlfriend went with me to the clinic on Monday, March 13, 2006 and I started crying once the doctor told me that the ultrasound showed that I was further along than I thought. I couldn’t believe that I was in an abortion clinic – I was always pro-choice, but I never thought an unwanted pregnancy would happen to me. The doctor injected me with the Methotrexate that afternoon at 3:00 pm and they gave me Misoprostol pills that I took home with me. I hid them in my shoe so my boyfriend wouldn’t find them. At home that afternoon and, for the first time since learning I was pregnant, I completely feel apart. I went to bed for the next three days after telling my boyfriend I was miscarrying, which he accepted. I kept crying and was almost catatonic, I was so numb. I was always pro-choice, but never thought abortion was an experience I would go through. On Thursday, March 16 I inserted the first of the Misoprostol pills. The pain was very intense and I spent that night in the bathroom on the floor. I started bleeding heavily at 2:00 am on Friday morning and was awake until 6:00 am. I was completely alone in the living room looking out the front window on a rainy night talking to my baby. I was very calm and felt very peaceful. I told my baby how sorry I was that I was unable to provide for him/ her, but I knew in my heart that this was the right decision.
The abortion made me look at my life and I finally had the courage to leave my boyfriend that April. I moved back in with my parents, finished school and got a good job. Therapy has helped me enormously to increase my self-esteem and to forgive myself for getting pregnant. I have never once regretted the abortion – it was a defining moment that has given me great strength to create a meaningful life. I very much want children someday and, hopefully, I will have the opportunity to do so.
Thank you very much for this site. I find a great amount of comfort reading the stories of other women. And, I AM NOT SORRY.
