Sep 032010

I’ve had two abortions. The first one, I was 18, had recently graduated high school, and I was seeing someone new. We only slept together once, and a condom totally slipped my mind. I never saw him again after that one night. A few weeks passed, and I missed my period. It always came like clockwork, and I just KNEW. I went and got 2 home pregnancy tests, and they both came back positive within seconds. I burst into tears. I was due to move to London, England in about 6 weeks, this could NOT be happening to me. I called my best friend and cried and cried. I knew almost immediately what I wanted to do, have an abortion. I’d always been pro-choice, since I was a kid, but I never thought that I would need an abortion. It was one of those things that happened to other people.

So I called Planned Parenthood, and set up an appointment for a pregnancy test. When that came back positive, I tried to schedule the appointment for as soon as possible. I wasn’t far enough along, and then in the time frame when I would’ve been, they didn’t have any appointments available for 2 more weeks. Once it was scheduled, something in me told me that I needed to let the guy know. I’m not sure why, but I did. So I called him and told him. Before I told him my intentions, he said, “I don’t care what you do, just get rid of it. And I hope you don’t need any money.” I hung up on him. Never spoke to him again. The day finally rolled around, it was 3 days after Christmas, and 6 days before I was due to leave for England. It was the longest day of my life. When we arrived (my mom took me), there were protesters outside, but they were just walking in a circle holding signs, and they didn’t say a word. The PP had a metal detector that I had to go through. I had to fill out forms, and wait, and get blood tests, and wait, and get counseling, and wait. Then finally it was time. I had a sonogram, and then it started. I was terrified, but a really nice nurse held my hand the whole time, and then it was off to recovery. I was there for 9 hours, and I was exhausted. I was so happy to go home and get in my bed. Once I was home, it was like this huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

My second one came when I was 21. I had been dating this guy for about 6 months, and just like before, I just knew before I even took a test. He was much more supportive than the first guy. He told me he would support me in whatever decision I made. When I told him I wanted an abortion, I could see in his eyes that he was disappointed, but he wasn’t someone that I could see myself with for the rest of my life, or someone I wanted to have a child with. I just wasn’t ready to be a mother. I was having too much fun waitressing, and going out. Sounds selfish I know, but it’s the truth. So he took me on the day of the abortion, and he even paid for it. I went to a different PP than I had the first time. There were no protesters, and very few people in the waiting room. Another woman in the waiting room started to cry, and that made me cry. I went outside to smoke a cigarette, and the janitor guy was rude to me, which made me cry even more. But I knew in my heart of hearts that I was doing what was best for me. It went pretty much the same as before, with less waiting. My boyfriend wanted to take me to his place, but I made him take me to mine. Then I made him leave. I couldn’t deal with him, and how emotional he was being. We broke up about a month later.

I’m 27 now, and I have no regrets, or guilt about my abortions. I did what was right for me at the time. There was no way that I could’ve been a mother at either of those points in my life. I’ve gone 6 years now without any more unplanned pregnancies, and I hope it stays that way until I’m ready to have kids. But if it does, I’ll most likely choose abortion again.

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