I knew the very minute I became pregnant. I’m not sure why I did and I don’t know if that’s normal but I immediately knew I was in trouble. The funny thing was that I didn’t even want to sleep with that guy but was young and felt obligated, absurd I know but its true.
The next morning I remembered that I had heard someone talking about the “morning after pill”, relieved I called the hospital and asked the receptionist how I could get it. She told me it didn’t exist and hung up on me.
A few weeks later when my period was finally due I took the test which I had stolen from a friend’s closet, too poor to buy my own. I stared at the stick for a few minutes praying that somehow that plus sign would turn into a minus, it never did.
I made an appointment the next day for the sexual health center.
They confirmed my findings and told me to wait a week before deciding what I wanted to do. Its funny, pro-lifers always like to say that women are pushed into abortions but they wouldn’t let me make any decision immediately.
I thought about it a lot, weighed the pros and cons. Finally it came down to the fact that I would be a single teenage mom who was currently unemployed and living on friends couches. I know that women have managed but I just didn’t feel I was up to it.
I went back to the clinic and told them I knew I wanted to have an abortion. They were very booked up and barely got me in under the time limit. They managed though and booked me an appointment that was 2 days before the cut off for receiving a medically unnecessary abortion.
For the next couple weeks I dreamt about my baby, each time it was a boy and he always looked the same.
Finally the day before the scheduled abortion came when they put something inside you that helps with the procedure the next day. While waiting I went to the bathroom, had my first ever panic attack and passed out on the bathroom floor. Luckily no one came in and I woke up before missing the appointment.
The next day I went to the hospital, a friend came with me. I remember wondering how we would get home because I didn’t even have the $5 for a cab after.
While waiting, a doctor came over to talk to me and lectured me about being a smoker, I remember thinking how odd it was considering the circumstances.
