I had mixed feelings the morning of my abortion. I was nervous, determined, and ready to go. About an hour later, my boyfriend and I left the house, and were on our way. On the way we encountered some heavy traffic…so much so that we were actually late! I felt bad because there was no way of calling to let them know since the office was closed, and I didn’t want to look like I was just waltzing in casually as if at some other affair. But we arrived regardless, apologized, and things were ok. I checked in, got a bunch of paperwork, and sat down with my boyfriend. As I read through the risks I was surprised to see that at this particular clinic across Canada, in all 32 years of the practice being made available, there has been not ONE single death, and risks have been reduced substantially. I felt so fortunate to be at a clinic where I felt safe and cared for. I mean, not a single death? So reassuring! I filled out the rest of the paperwork (my boyfriend tells me I was conveniently taking my sweet time), and handed it over to the receptionist.
Next was the counselor. She was very friendly and made me feel at ease, and took the time to address my concerns. She showed me a diagram of the woman’s reproductive system and explained the procedure, then gave me a month’s worth of birth control along with a prescription for the next 3 months. I chose Yasmin, apparently because she said there are no negative side effects and it is very effective. I knew there would be no sex for the next 3 weeks anyway, but I got it started that day.
After the counselor I was led to the ultrasound room, where I laid down and got the picture done. I was surprised when she told me I was actually at 9 weeks and 2 days. I was expecting to be around 7 or so, but she told me it didn’t make a difference anyway. She gave me an Atavan pill to reduce anxiety, and led me to the change rooms. I had to bundle up in a blanket from the waist down, but I was allowed to keep everything on from the waist up. This was very comforting. Then it was off to the second waiting room.
I went and chatted with the girls in the waiting room for a bit, and found out that we were all there for our first time. I couldn’t help but notice that one girl seemed to be pumped up and not worried at all. I asked her why, and she said it was because she had been there with 5 friends before so this was nothing new to her. I admired her courage and wished I could have some, as I was beginning to feel anxious. This was the final step!
Almost immediately after thinking that (and less than 10 minutes of waiting), the nurse came and called me back with her. She asked me if I had anyone with me, and I told her my boyfriend was there (I forgot to mention that my boyfriend was allowed through every step of the process with me, except for the pre-op area). So I told her his name, and she went and got him. It was such a surreal feeling, walking with him to the operating room. He was rubbing my shoulders and telling me everything was going to be ok and that I was so strong.
I lay on the operating table, and the nurse gave me the nitrous oxide gas first. Then, she proceeded to administer the conscious sedation. I felt just like a zombie. I was trying to make conversation, but I don’t think I made sense, and I don’t even remember what I said. It felt wonderful being so unattached from my surroundings. I do remember once taking off my mask and looking at my boyfriend before the operation and telling him I love him, which made him tear up. He said he was proud of me and held my hand the entire time.
The doctor came in and introduced himself. He was a friendly man, and looked distinguished and gentle. He exuded confidence, and I instantly felt at ease. Then it was off to work. The abortion part went by in a blur, honestly. I remember everyone telling me I was doing extremely well and slight pressure, but I never had any idea which part of the procedure he was on. And then, in an instant, it was finished. I was so relieved. The doctor approached me with a soft smile and squeezed my shoulder gently. I told him I was so grateful to him and that I appreciated what he had done for me. He smiled and left. I laid there for a while just breathing, and my boyfriend and the nurse told me I was free. I really couldn’t believe it. I was scared, literally, for nothing. Everything went fantastically smooth.
I did have some bad cramping in the recovery room, but it was manageable. I wasn’t bleeding at all, until I went to the bathroom and tried to pass some clots. When I actually tried, the blood came out. It was a bit of relief to my cramps, but only moderately. I had a heating pad, apple juice, and a comfortable recliner to tide me over for a while. Then, the nurse gave me my care package (after-care instructions, phone numbers, birth control pills and a prescription, and my infection prevention pills and a prescription), and I was well on my way. Leaving that building and seeing the shining sun was so sweet. I was exhilarated.
Afterwards, my boyfriend and I tried to go for a walk, as the doctor recommended (to allow passing of clots and such), but I was pretty zombie-like. I just wanted to go home and sleep, which is what I did. When I woke up 3 hours later, I was ecstatic. I felt refreshed – no more cramps, no more nausea. I was freeeeeeeee! I phoned my boyfriend to tell him, and we went for ice cream 10 minutes later. I think it is pretty accurate to say that that was the best tasting ice cream I have ever had. 🙂
I am extremely happy. But what actually made me have the courage to get me through was thinking of all the awesome women on this community (and throughout time) who also went through it. Without the advice and guidance that I received from reading other people’s stories, I don’t know what I would have done.
Thank goodness for compassionate doctors, nurses, and that clinic. Everything about my abortion was superb, and I couldn’t have asked for more.
I am alone in my body once again…and I can definitely say that I am not sorry.
