I am 32 years old and I have had two abortions. Other people, and the media, and the protesters outside that clinic I went to tried to make me feel guilty. But I’m a firm believer that nobody can make you feel bad unless you LET them. I’m not anti-children, I have one. I had a daughter out of wedlock at age 18 and stayed with her alcoholic and drug addict father for 11 years before I got the courage to leave. I had to move out of state and start all over with nothing, but I don’t regret it because I love my daughter more then anything in the world. I left for both of us and we haven’t looked back.
However, in the process of being single for the first time since age 17 and trying to start over, I did make a huge mistake about sleeping casually with a man without using protection. When I tried to contact this casual sex partner after the pregnancy test was positive, his phone # and address had changed. I felt so ashamed and humiliated about my situation and I just knew I couldnt support a baby, with or without his help. I finally reached him and he was in a relationship so all I asked was that he help me in whatever decision I was to make. We talked about our options for a long time and chose to abort. It was very important to me that he also had a choice in the decision, after all; it was 1/2 his responsibility. He drove me to the clinic, helped me with the paperwork and paid for the procedure. He was very supportive and kind and we both agreed it was for the best.
Long story short…he actually turned out to be a very nice guy and we are together now. After living together for 6 months, I ended up pregnant AGAIN! I was stunned. I had started a new job and we had bought a house, and again I knew that a baby was not in the cards. Besides my daughter, he has a child from a previous relationship and we both knew 3 kids would be too much. But this time, I think he wanted it and went along with my decision to abort. He just wanted me to be happy. I sometimes wonder about the 2nd abortion, like what the child would look like and so on…but I don’t dwell on it or get depressed because I know deep in my heart I did what was best for our family. And I also learned a VERY valuable lesson about being responsible with my birth control method. I sometimes think that if I was 10 years younger and a few thousand richer on my paycheck, I would have had that 2nd (aborted) child. But I still dont regret it and I’m making an appointment with my gyno to get my tubes tied in the near future so I dont have to go through it again.
I hope that any woman who reads this doesn’t feel guilty about their choice. I have not had to go to therapy or take Prozac. Having those abortions did change me though, I cant explain how, but they did. I just visited my sister today, she had a baby girl this week and named her after me. I held that baby girl and I felt pride. Pride in the fact that my sister and I both made the right choices.
