Sep 022010

When I found out I was pregnant I felt like I was sixteen, and not twenty-five. All my life I had been pro-life until an unfortunate horrific episode in my life that caused me to be pregnant did I encounter the need I had for options. Scared to death, I decided to keep my baby feeling abortion was not an option. When I got pregnant a second time I knew there was no way I could handle two kids and with some education, experience, and self-discovery, I didn’t hesitate to explore my options. My decision was only hard in the sense that my fiancé really wanted another baby, we were actually on the rocks at this period of time. I opted to keep the pregnancy to myself despite the obvious “morning” sickness, that seemed debilitating at times.

I live in a rural Christian community and found it difficult to get helpful information on where to obtain an abortion. The number I looked up under abortion in the phone book to my surprise was a huge call center with women who did everything with in their ability to change my mind. They wanted to pray for me give me shelter, clothes, etc. After being prayed for and harassed to choose adoption, and told that I was going to get cancer and severe depression, I was freaking out and called someone I trusted for advice. It helped, and I was able to find helpful resources, unfortunately the closest clinic was four hours away. I would have to do this alone, completely alone. I grew up in a strict religious family and my partner would not have approved of my decision. So with no support I found INS and was flooded with e-mails of encouragement (Thanks to the Reach Out community).

That day I woke up at 3:30 in the morning and drove the four hours to the clinic. When I arrived I called the front desk to alert them to my arrival, there were protesters out front but only a few holding signs and serious faces however no one yelled and screamed or tried to get me to turn around. Even though I had called from the parking lot I still had to be buzzed in. When I pushed the button and stated my name, the door opened and I was greeted by a nurse that was very kind. When I got to the front desk I double-checked that I would be able to drive myself home and they had already made a note that I had requested this, they agreed I’d be fine.

Most of that day is a blur. I kept trying to record the other women that soon arrived after I had, the thing that sticks out most is they all had partners, friends, or parents, but I was alone. I had an ultrasound and asked to see the baby and for a moment I wished the circumstances were different but I remembered someone telling me be “confident in your decision”. I was almost 11 weeks. I had had the counseling, I just wanted it over. Most of the time my mind wondered. When I was finally taken to the room that the procedure was done in. I felt a bit anxious, but the nurse that had greeted me at the door was there to hold my hand. I asked if I could listen to a CD, and was assured that it would be okay so I put in my ear phones and listened to waves crashing onto a beach and other nature sounds.

The procedure itself didn’t take very long and although there was a bit more than mild discomfort, it was nothing compared to childbirth. I got my antibiotics and ibuprofin and turbo pads to go home with. Once I made it home, I took another pain prescription that helped me sleep but the nausea went away instantly. I stayed in bed the next day-I told my partner what had taken place and he came and cared for me that day. I thought it was over between us but some how this pulled us together. We had talked about the baby which helped us gain closure and it was good to do it together. I knew that I wasn’t ready for a second child and I can honestly say I have no regrets about having the abortion, I can’t say that I haven’t had regrets about becoming a parent when I truly wasn’t ready.

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