When I was 22, I had my first and only abortion. A lot of pro-life/anti-choice groups will use anything they can find to make people who have had abortions seem like morally reprehensible blemishes on the face of society. However, I can assure you that couldn’t be further from the TRUTH in my personal situation. I come from a wealthy family, I am an artist, I don’t do drugs, I don’t drink ( and never HAVE), I’m not morally vacant, I was raised by two parents, I don’t suffer from mental illness. My Lifestyle isn’t “deviant”. I am not promiscuous. The things they’d have you believe are simply just not true in MOST cases.
When I got pregnant I had been in a steady relationship with the same man for 3 years (and I am still with him to this day, we’ve been together for 5 years now). WE (and I do mean WE) decided that abortion was the best route. I was 22, in college, and had just been laid off from my job. He was 24, and had a good job and an education. However, I felt I was too young to have the responsibility of raising another human being. Children have NEVER been something I have taken lightly. I felt like my life was just not established enough to be able to accomodate another person. Thankfully, he was very supportive of me and told me that whatever decision I made was the decision he’d stand by. I am very grateful for that.
A lot of the pro-life party would have you believe that abortions are EASY. A lot of them tell you that abortions are an easy out, that the abortion PILL is an easy way for people to alleviate their responsibilities. This is another MISCONCEPTION. First off, most of those people have never HAD abortions. They’ve NEVER experienced them, so how could they possibly know how “easy” it is? The truth is: Its not in the least BIT easy. I was stressed to say the least the day of my abortion. I was scared. I wasn’t ashamed, and I was ready, but my natural fear of the unknown had me in knots. I didn’t KNOW what it would feel like. I wasn’t too hot on the idea that I’d be AWAKE during the procedure. I was scared. But I never had second thoughts. I exercised the option to have a counselor speak to me about what the procedure entailed. And yet even after that, I knew this was the RIGHT thing to do. The procedure itself wasn’t PAINLESS nor easy. I honestly don’t remember a lot of it ( I had an IV drip), however I DO remember there being pain. Afterwards, my boyfriend carried me to the car and as we were leaving I saw a man on the corner with a sign that said: “Sinners, don’t kill your babies” Even in my state I can remember thinking: “What do YOU know about childbirth, or carrying children… You’re a MAN. You’ll NEVER know. You have no RIGHT to tell me what to do… YOu don’t even KNOW ME or my situation.”
After a day of sleep, I woke up and I felt like a huge weight had been lifted. It was amazing. When I found out I was pregnant many things ran through my mind. WHERE will this baby live? I live in a small apartment. HOW will I take care of this human being? I am still in school! Do I want to be tied to my boyfriend FOREVER? Can I provide the most emotionally healthy environment for a child? Can I deal with the physical aspects of pregnancy? Can I give this child the VERY best? Can I put this person FIRST? Can I provide them with the things they need and want without an education? All these questions helped me make my decision. I was in college. There was no plausible way I could support a child even WITH the help of another person. In this day and age, a college education can equal eating or starving. ANd I couldn’t deal with idea that my child would starve. I was young, I didn’t KNOW anything about life. How would I possibly be able to teach another about something I myself knew nothing OF? I couldn’t. SO my decision was easy for me.
Then some one I knew suggested adoption to me. This was almost immediately vetoed. I grew up very close to a group home. It was about a mile up the street from my home, and I knew a lot of the children who lived there. A lot of these kids were put up for adoption as BABIES and were passed upon until finally they were too “old” to be a priority. And thus, they resided in a group home with many other unwanted and unadopted children until they turned 18 and were set free. Again, the Pro-life party would have you believe that adoption is a miracle cure that helps everyone and no one gets hurt. In truth, a lot of the children are the victims. You’re LUCKY to find an adoptive home you approve of. You’re LUCKY to find one at all. There are more parentless babies in this country than HOMES. And some of the homes aren’t suitable anyway. I couldn’t deal with the idea that my baby’s life would hang in the balance… That he or she may not have the very best and end up in a group home or somewhere like that and be treated like the perpetrator and not the VICTIM like I had witnessed before. To me, it was MORE unfair to put another human’s LIFE and life quality in jeopardy. And what about me? Would I be able to carry full term and then just GIVE my baby AWAY? No. So this idea was swiftly eliminated as an option.
After my abortion, I was relieved. I have faith in God. I believe that given the choice between all of the possible outcomes, my BABY would’ve rather been with Him. I have NO regrets about my decision. I never look at babies and cry, I never see others with children and wish for one of my own or wish I’d made a different decision. A lot of the time I see others and am GLAD I made the decision I did. Just because I had an abortion does not mean I have no value for life. If anything I value it MORE because I chose NOT to force a child into this world without the very BEST available to him or her. Too many people don’t SERIOUSLY think before they have kids, then when they have them they mistreat them or ignore them or put them into negative situations… THey just don’t THINK. I did. And I stand BY what I chose. My boyfriend and I are doing wonderfully, we are still together. We never do the ‘what if’ thing regarding our baby… We just KNOW what we did was right.
Abortion is similar to having children in that its not something you just DO and forget about. (though a LOT of people do that very thing in both respects). Its something you’ll ALWAYS deal with. You don’t just have an abortion (nor a child) and then mystically FORGET about it.. For the rest of your life you’ll remember it. And whether it was the RIGHT option for YOU. I would NEVER say that it is something to be taken easily, but A lot of the pro-life party will tell you that all women who have abortions live with a tumultuous guilt complex afterwards… Not always true. I don’t. I feel that my decision in ALL respects was RIGHT.
I am NOT silent about my decision either. I tell people what I chose. When I hear people bad mouthing women who have had abortions. SOmetimes it hits home a little more when some one they know has had one. Sure, they call me names sometimes… Selfish is probably the NUMBER one adjective they describe me with when I reveal my choice to them. But what is MORE selfish? Me having an abortion out of genuine concern for my KID and MY life…Or some unfit parent who can’t emotionally, financially or otherwise provide for their kid but does so anyway because they posess no foresight or understanding of what LIFE should be like for a child… Or they are so gun-ho anti-abortion that all logic is lost upon them? I urge people NOT to believe the hype when it comes to anti-choicers… Ask a friend, ask your family, discuss it with an unbiased person you are close to, talk to your partner… My life has been wonderful, and my abortion hasn’t stopped my life or made me into an emotional wreck of a human being… What they say isn’t always true. Some of us DID make the right decision and DO stand by our choices. But they’ll never tell you that. They’d rather scare you with gruesome pictures and statistics with no scientific basis. Listen to the people who have BEEN there… THe ones who have REALLY experienced it.
