It’s been almost two months since I had an abortion, and I feel it was most certainly one of the wisest choices I have ever made.
I am 20 years old, and a junior at a very conservative private Christian college. Girls at school who get pregnant always have to leave school. I have been seeing this amazing man from my job. He is incredible and our relationship escalated quite rapidly. He’s the first man with whom I ever had sex, and it was such a special thing to share. Three months into the relationship, I realized my period was late. I kept expecting it to come, but it didn’t for two weeks. I was very open with my significant other about the situation, and I believe he was concerned far before I was. I had been really stressed out from school, and it was not unusual for me to be very irregular with my periods.
One night, we decided to run over to the drug store and that I should get a pregnancy test simply so we could put our minds at ease. I still was not expecting to get a positive result. We had casually practiced the rhythm method, and my significant other was very skilled at pulling out, so I figured it was impossible for me to be pregnant. I went to the public restroom in that drug store right after I bought the tests. The clerk was thrilled about my purchase and she hoped that I was pregnant. It was almost sickening. After reading the unclear directions, I took the test. The paper, I remember, said you could see a positive result after 30 seconds, but that it would take 2 minutes for a negative result. I remember seeing those 2 lines right away, and I waited and waited, hoping one would magically disappear, but to no avail. My SO could tell right away that the result had been positive, because I wasn’t thrilled and carefree exiting the restroom. At this point, I still did not think I really was pregnant. It had to be that the test wasn’t accurate. I would take the other one from the package later, I was sure, and get a negative result. That didn’t happen either.
I didn’t know what to say, but I did know that if I was pregnant and my parents found out, they would disown me. I would also have to leave school. On top of having to quit my job since my significant other and I weren’t supposed to be officially dating, due to a corporate policy, the option that made the most sense was abortion.
I had been raised very conservatively, with people all around me saying that abortion was murder. In fact, at school, people have signs on their dorm windows protesting abortion. It was excruciating to be there and not be able to tell anyone what was going on, even my closest friends, knowing that they would immediately condemn my life. On top of which, I had horrible morning sickness for two entire weeks. I was so miserable and starving all of the time, but I couldn’t keep anything down. Luckily, my roommate and friends believed that I simply had the flu.
The very next day that I had the positive pregnancy test, I had a huge presentation in one of my most difficult classes. I was able to stay focused and press on, even though, I knew that if anyone found out my situation I would be dismissed and all my work this entire semester would be in vain. I called several numbers from the yellow pages for abortion clinics. There was supposed to be one in our town, but it had since been closed down. The closest clinic was a 3 hour drive, and luckily, I could get in right away, even though I was only 2 weeks late on my period, meaning I was barely 6 weeks pregnant, I guess, pretty early to have the procedure. Waiting for the day of my appointment was the worst. It was only four days later, but with the morning sickness and secrecy, it seemed like forever.
When that day finally came, I was so excited. I woke up really early that morning. Next to the clinic on either side of the street were pro-life organizations for pregnant women, the ones who draw people in with the promise of free services, who are critical and judgmental. I thought it was very sneaky of them to locate themselves so close to the clinic, as they are certainly targeting similar clientele. We got to the clinic early and I went through all of the counseling and everything. I did not know what to expect, nor did my significant other, who was able to go with me. I was kind of anxious and very glad to have him there with me. We had a private room, and all of the nurses and staff were very sweet to both of us. When the nurse took my sonogram, I was worried when she said she would have to take a “transvaginal” sonogram, but it was fine. I declined looking at the sonogram picture at first, because I was afraid I would feel remorse about our decision. She stapled it to my file, though, so once I was back in the room, my significant other and I decided to check it out. No biggie! I felt no remorse. We were making the right choice for both of us and any children would have had or will have. At that point, they told me I was 6 weeks and 6 days pregnant, which was very early. The picture did not resemble a baby at all. The counseling was not as difficult as I had anticipated. My significant other and I both knew we were making the right choice, and we just felt relieved about it. We waited a while for the doctor, because he took a while getting to the clinic.
He came into our room to chat with us before the procedure. He was this old, fragile, bald man, who was about half my height. He was very strange, and my first thought was that this old quirky man was going to see me naked. He left our room and I went with the nurse to the procedure room, where they gave me this pretty large paper drape. I felt very modest. Both nurses came in and they spoke very soothing to me. The doctor came in and I had to spread my legs, and then they put me to sleep. The next thing I remember I was lying down back in our private room, and my significant other was asking me if I was ready for him to put my sneakers back on. We walked out together, and I slept most of the way home. I woke up to eat a big meal, which was one of the best meals of my life because I successfully kept it down. My significant other took me back to my dorm, where I slept for the next day and a half.
The bleeding was not as a bad as I had expected. The worst part was wearing pads, because I haven’t worn them since junior high and they give me a rash. I bled for a little bit and had spotting for about three weeks. The pads caused me to have some itching, which was inconvenient, but remedied easily with some Vagisil.
I went back for my follow-up three weeks or so after the procedure. That day there were some crazy people outside picketing and they asked up while we were walking toward the door if we wanted some of their literature. I cannot help but wonder if they think people who have driven 3 hours for an abortion, who according to the law, have thought about it for at least 24 hours, will suddenly change their minds about their abortion simply because they can hold up hideous pictures and harass people. Their tactics are very faulty.
I am so glad that I had the abortion. I cannot imagine being pregnant and having a baby at the age of 20. I have since gotten on the shot, and I have learned to be more responsible with sex.
