When I was 19, I had a miscarriage due to a long list of gynecological problems I was having. It was then that I was told I would need fertility drugs to ever carry a baby full term since none of my eggs were mature.
Even with this news, I stayed on birth control. Having only one ovary, my periods were never really regular, and the birth control somewhat helped that out. But even on birth control, my periods were very scanty. I would have one, then not another for 3 months, then be on schedule for a while, then back off. Birth control gave me a little bit of comfort in knowing I wasn’t pregnant.
From the time I was 21, until I was 24, I never missed a pill. I remember exactly when everything started. I woke up on a Wednesday morning, sick as a dog. I stayed sick for a few days when I realized that as long as I kept food on my stomach, I felt fine. But the sickness lasted all day. After a week, I decided to take a pregnancy test for the heck of it. I knew the chances would be low, considering my condition, and the fact that I’d never missed a pill. That following Tuesday night, my test showed up positive.
I told my fiancé immediately when I got home. I cried for the next 4 days, trying to figure out what to do. We had called off our wedding and were in relationship counseling, we were by no means ready for a child. We had been careful, so we thought. I was trying to finish school, with only 1 semester left, then my externship. My school wouldn’t let me do my medical externship being pregnant due to “safety” issues. He’s finished with school, but trying to get his Microsoft certifications. We both work full time, and trying to raise my 6-year-old sister at the same time; along with me being in school. I decided it wasn’t the right time. It wasn’t fair for me to bring a child into the world in this condition, where there would be such hardship. It wouldn’t be fair to us, nor the baby.
I called the following Monday and made an appointment at the only clinic in our city that does abortions. When we got there, protestors of course met us. But they weren’t rude. They were persuasive. One older woman tried her hardest to change my mind. But my fiancé spoke up for me and made it very clear that the decision had been made and that there was no way they could sway me. She was persistent. But being in medical school, every thing she said, I had an actual medical fact to state otherwise. She finally gave up on me.
I was surprised to see the different types of women there. Older women, young girls, mothers and their husbands. After paying, they led us one by one to another waiting room where we watched a video on the procedure. They then called us one at a time to have an ultrasound done where I learned I was 7 weeks along. There was no heartbeat yet. This little fact helped reassure that I was doing the right thing. I’m not sure I could have done it knowing there was a heartbeat yet. After the ultrasound, I had my blood work done, and went back to the second waiting room with the other ladies. There, we loosened up and we started telling our stories.
One woman had a 9-year-old little boy who was autistic. He was a large child, and he was at the point to where she couldn’t control him when he had his outbursts of anger. She couldn’t fathom bringing a baby into that atmosphere.
Another woman been raped in her work parking lot.
There was another woman there, who was already a mother of 3, who had recently developed a heart problem during her last pregnancy. Her doctor advised against having this baby.
There was a young girl, about 15, who had pretty much fallen in love with the wrong guy and learned the hard way. She was there with her mother. They cried the whole time they were in the waiting room. Her mother kept telling her, “It’s ok to change your mind”. I heard the young girl say a few times that they just wouldn’t leave her alone. I assumed the protestors found their weak one and tried to get to her.
There was a little girl there, about 18, from another state. She had been going to Planned Parenthood for months and they kept telling her she wasn’t pregnant. Yet she kept gaining weight and having morning sickness. Still, they were getting negative tests. She finally went to an Urgent Care center where they did blood work and an ultrasound to prove she was. She was 17 weeks by now.
After about 2 hours of getting to know each other and joking about being hungry, they finally started taking us 5 at a time to the basement. They did their procedures down there so that if anything were to ever happen to the clinic, protestors wouldn’t be able to get to us as easily.
We changed our clothes, climbed into our assigned beds, and were given IV’s. They gave us a drug to relax our nerves. They then took us one at a time to the procedure room where they put us out and did the abortion within 10 minutes. All I remember hearing was, “Goodnight honey” then “Time to wake up!” I walked to the recovery room where my 5 “roomies” were waiting for me. We all got crackers, heating pads, and ginger ale to help calm our stomachs. And ibuprofen for cramps. 20 minutes later, we were on our way home.
I can’t explain the relief I felt afterwards. It was nice to know I wasn’t alone. There were so many other women I’d met that day that shared in my confusion. We all sort of bonded that morning. My cramps lasted only that day, and I was fine after that. I bled for 3 days and it was over. The morning sickness stopped immediately. I thought I’d have a lot of emotional trauma from this. But I have to say that this was one of the most sound, and best decisions I’ve ever made.
