Sep 022010

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I had my abortion when I was 15 back in 1995. I was a sophomore in high school and I had been seeing my boyfriend since the 8th grade. Most of my friends knew that I was having sex. My boyfriend told me before we became sexually active that he was in fact sterile and could not have children. I still requested he wear a condom. This is why I just hate to hear of young girls like I was, having sex so early. I actually believed him and his sterile story. It almost seemed so true because we had been having sex for 3 years only having used condoms for maybe a couple of months of that and no pregnancy.

Then my parents forbid me to seem him after I got home late one night. That started a series of lies and betrayals concerning my parents. I started sneaking out to see him and I just wanted to see him even more now since they told me not to. It really got bad when I was staying with a friend whose boyfriend lived with mine. We would all stay the night at their apartment. Around that time, Michael (my boyfriend) started getting really jealous about guys. He had always been a little jealous but this was getting pretty bad. One night he backhanded me in the parking lot of the apartments. I was in shock. And I was actually pregnant but didn’t know it as well. Things fell apart after that incident. My parents found where I had been staying at night and came and got me one night. My mom was so upset to find out I had been having sex, she started crying. I didn’t know what to say. She said that she thought she had raised me well enough for me to be able to tell her if I was thinking about it, not just to go and do it and sneak around. She asked me every day if I had gotten my period yet which I thought was so strange. I was just like “no, it’s not time, Mom and I will get it so don’t worry, he can’t have kids anyway.”

But when I became 2 days late, then 6 days then a week, I began to worry. I had a friend’s mom buy me a pregnancy test since I was so embarrassed. I took it home and did it by myself. The test was supposed to take like 3 minutes, but in less than sixty seconds the results were there in front of me. I just sat there and cried for hours before my mom came home. When she did, I still couldn’t bring myself to tell her. I waited for a week when she asked me if I had gotten my period yet. Then I told her. She cried and cried, never even holding me until the very end. She asked me what I wanted to do. I told her that I had thought about it and I couldn’t have this baby. Michael couldn’t keep a job for more that a month, I wasnt even old enough to work, his parents both suffered from manic depression, and did not take medication, and Michael hit me so I was afraid of that as well. My mom told me that if I wanted to have the baby that I would have to go live with Michael and his family, that I could not stay there. I told her I was pretty sure that this is what I wanted to do. I was still just a baby myself and I couldn’t go through it at school. I would be called a slut and a whore.

So I told Michael that day over the phone what I had decided and he became irate, telling me to leave at once and come to his house. I told him no, I couldn’t do that and that he scared me and I couldn’t see him ever again. He threw a fit for about a week then he just quit calling, although he would drive by my house several times a day.

My mom made the appointment for me for the abortion and 2 weeks later we went. My pants were already getting tight and I was constantly feeling sick. I remember seeing more older women than girls my age in the office. The nurse said I was lucky because there were no picketers that day outside. I don’t know if I could have handled that, people screaming “murderer.” It seemed like forever being in that place, doing the pregnancy test, then going back to the waiting room, then doing the sonogram, which I couldn’t believe she asked me if I wanted to see the screen. I said no. I couldn’t look at that, iIguess some girls want to, but I just couldn’t. She said I was about 6 weeks. After that the actual procedure was terrible. Even though they gave me the nitrous gas and a shot to relax me, it still hurt like hell. I just cried saying “oh my God” over and over. The nurse just sat there beside me telling me it was okay and brushing the hair from my face. That helped a little bit. Just hearing the sucking noises was awful. On the way home my mom asked me what I as going to tell my P. E. teacher as school as to why I had to sit out for a week. We came up with a pretty good excuse and that was that. Michael never called again.

It was never a mistake for me to have my abortion. I tell people my story all the time because I want them to see that its not the way that a lot of people make it out to be. They can think of me as they want, but they can’t say how they would do it, if they haven’t been there in my shoes.

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