Sep 022010

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I gave birth to my first child when I was 19 years old, April of 2003. I moved to LA to be near my mom since the father didn’t want to be a part of his life. I had a full time job and the state was helping me to pay for daycare, although I had been off of welfare for 6 months (I was very proud to get off of it). I had been seeing this guy for about a month and it was really more of a casual relationship than anything serious. I was on Depo Provera and we used condoms. Somehow I ended up pregnant (just call me Fertile Mertyl). I found out when I was 4 weeks pregnant.

I didn’t know what to do. I was already a single mom with NO help from his father and when I told this guy he said, “I’ll call you back when I am done with dinner” I didn’t hear back from him. I made the decision to have an abortion after long talks with my mom and my best friends. It was definitely the best decision I could make. I didn’t want to go back on welfare.

I had a medical abortion. On August 31st I went into the clinic. They had me take the pill and sent me home with the vaginal inserts, instructions, and painkillers. The next night I put the inserts in, put on a maxi pad, took the painkillers (I had been told it was going to be pretty painful) and lay down in bed. I had my sister come to my apartment to help me take care of my son that night as I had no idea what to expect. About an hour after I put the inserts in I felt the need to get up and clean myself up. I could feel that I had been bleeding. When I sat down on the toilet I heard a splash in the toilet (the placenta and fetus had come out). I cleaned myself up and put my bottoms back on and turned around to look in the toilet. I’m no doctor, but I wanted to make sure that it was all in once piece. More to put my own mind at ease than anything else because my appointment was to go back into the abortion clinic to make sure everything came out was in 2 weeks. I fished the placenta out using the handle of the toilet plunger and saw it. It looked like a large flesh colored blueberry. After seeing it in the toilet I felt relieved. I knew that everything was going to be OK. All in all the pain was less than the discomfort of menstrual cramps.

In April of 2005 I got a call from the would-be father. He was calling to say that he was sorry and that if I had decided to keep if he would be there. I told him of my decision and I haven’t heard from him again. Not that that’s a bad thing. There have been days where I saw a pregnant woman and I think about it. And it’s hard, sometimes. I dot regret having it. It was definitely the best decision for me. I also joined an abortion support group on yahoo and talking to the women there helped a lot. I also think that seeing it after it came out gave me more of a sense of closure. This past August 31st was my 1-year marker. Most women I have talked to said that was the hardest day other than the day they had it done. For me, it really wasn’t hard. I look at my life and know that I still am in a position where having 2 kids would be bad. I am VERY thankful for having my rights and being able to exercise them.

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