Sep 022010

My name is Amy and eight days ago I had an abortion.

Who am I? I’m almost twenty five years old. I have been raising my two children alone for the past two years. I work at home (I run a small home daycare) so I’m with my kids all the time. I’m about to graduate from college next May and I’m in the application process with two different law schools. I also have a wonderful boyfriend named Rob, who is thirty-one. Oh yeah, and I love children and want more someday.

How did I end up in a clinic?

Well you see I’m a busy woman. I work ten hours a day and study at night when my kids are asleep. I see Rob on the weekends mostly when my kids are gone (to daddy’s). Rob and I have been together for over a year now and I think that we might eventually get married. One Friday night in May 2005 Rob and I went out for dinner. Since my kids were away for the weekend Rob slept over. I have been on the pill since my youngest was born three years ago and because Rob and I are exclusive we do not use condoms. Well, I knew right away that I was pregnant. I found out for sure on May 24th with a home test, but confirmed it two days later with a blood test. I was really upset. I finally had my life together. And now I’m pregnant? I thought a lot about what I should do. I imagined what my life would be like with a new baby. I thought about whether or not I could handle a baby on my own if Rob bailed on me, now or down the road. I thought about school and how awful and complicated my first two pregnancies were. I thought about the two little kids that need attention and a mother who can provide that. I was so distraught over the pregnancy and so ill before the abortion. I knew that I couldn’t feel like that for another seven months. So I made my decision. Then I told Rob that I was pregnant and asked him what he wanted to do. We were in agreement, now was not the right time. We made an appointment that day.

Was having an abortion ugly and awful?

NO! I went to a clinic that was almost three hours from where we live. It was the only one that was open on Saturdays and it also offered good pain medication. The clinic that is twenty minutes from where I live only performs abortions once a week with local anesthesia. We got to the clinic at eight a.m. There were already protesters outside waiting. We ignored them and went in. Rob was sent to another room and I filled out some paperwork and had an ultrasound. Then I had some blood drawn and I was sent back out to Rob. We talked for a while and he seemed a little tense, he was worried about me. Then I went in for my counseling. I cried a little when I talked to the counselor. She was very nice and didn’t tell me what to do. She really listened. Then I signed all the paper work and went to pay the money. Once again I was sent back out to Rob. I told him that next was the procedure and then recovery, then we could leave. When they called my name I was ready. I went into a room and wrapped a sheet around my lower body. I went back out and waited with two other girls who were both in sheets. I remember thinking that it was my last chance to change my mind. For an instant I thought about how wonderful it was to hold your new baby. I thought again about the reality of having a baby. I asked myself has anything changed since you walked into this clinic. No it hadn’t. The procedure itself was a little painful. I cried when the Dr. dilated my cervix. The nurse was great. She kept saying that I was doing great. Then she patted my hand and said almost done sweetie. Then it was done. I got up and was taken to recovery. I cried walking down the hall, but not for what I’d lost. I was relieved that it was over. I chatted with another woman in recovery and I felt happier than I had in a while. Then it was time to go and Rob and I left. We went out to dinner on the way home. I felt fine.

Do I regret it?

NO. I feel sad that I made a mistake. I feel sad that I put myself in a position where I had to make some tough choices. I know that I made the best decision under the circumstances. I chose to wait to have another child. I chose to finish school and provide a better life for the children I already have. I chose to learn from my mistake without paying for it for the rest of my and the child’s life. I’m not sorry.

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