I was 19 years old and just about to start college. I was moving into my own apartment when it happened. My ex had tried to win me back, but the damage had been done. He had lost me due to mental and physical abuse. I only allowed myself a few months of that and decided, no more! After a month of his pleading for me to see him, I went to a house party with him. He acted like the guy I first met and knew. I remember having ONE drink that night. The next thing I knew, it was morning and I was completely out of sorts.
I didnt really notice anything wrong till a few weeks in. I was so busy with my new place and getting ready for school, that I didn’t really notice my period was off nor could I exactly remember my last cycle. I was convinced however, not to see my ex anymore. No matter what he would try to do to win me back, I had lost my respect for him. When he called and I notified him of my decision, he made the comment “Oh well at least we had that one last night of fun at my friend’s house”. It was then that I knew… what had been creeping in the back of my mind was a possibility. I might be pregnant. I quickly told him of my situation and asked him what had happened. I never did get a clear answer from him about what happened. I made a doctor’s appointment for the next day.
Sure enough, the doctor told me I was definitely pregnant. I cried and I didnt stop all day. I called my best friend, and then my mother. I took Adderall, which is twice as strong as Ritalin. I was told by my mother, who is a nurse, and by my doctor there could be a chance (due to how far along I was) that my child would not be completely normal or healthy. My mother suggested to me to abort. She said I was starting college and brought up the health considerations of the child. I did tell my ex, who (go figure) tried to say it must be someone else’s since I had been out on a few dates. He also refused to tell me what happened but I pretty much assumed (since he was being so vague and it was around the time of the date rape drug) what had happened. Trust me, I wish it would have been someone else that had contributed besides him. I was so angry and tried to see about some sort of date rape. But I was told that since it was not that same week there would be no evidence, and it would be my word against his. So I prayed, and decided to go ahead with it.
The waiting room seemed to take forever. I went in there and made it quite clear that this is what I wanted to do. I could not bear the thought of looking at myself for 9 months and realizing every day what had happened. The ultimate betrayal of a former loved one. I had so many thoughts running through my mind. When it was my turn, it was over in a snap. I hardly felt any discomfort. I didn’t bleed a lot afterwards or anything. In fact, the same night I was out and about with a few friends. Although people may try to make you feel bad about your choices, they are yours and yours alone. I am 23 years old now and I never have once wondered about my decision. I do not regret it at all. I know in my heart I did the right thing and I hope my story lets you know that you are not alone and you shouldn’t be ashamed.
