I knew something was up with my body no more than two weeks later... I felt it. But I kept waiting for my period to come, and it never did. By late March, I assumed I was pregnant, and I didn’t tell anyone. I was so pissed off. At myself, and my ex boyfriend (whom I had stopped talking to about 3 days after we had sex that February night). By April 2nd, I had told him I believed I was pregnant (he was infuriated... he didn’t even believe it was his. He accused me of sleeping around and/or lying to get money out of him. The next day he text messaged me telling me he had the money and was ready to take care of it). We both went and bought a pregnancy test. We bought a box with two in it, just in case. Right when we got to his house, I ripped open the box and started skimming through the instructions. When I went into the bathroom, he insisted on taking my purse (as if I had special urine in there... I really hated how he was so suspicious of me). I went into the bathroom, took the test, and came back out. I don’t even know how to describe how I felt when I saw the vertical line ever so bold in that little window. I started to cry. At this point, he accepted the fact that he really did have to take responsibility for this. He tried to hold me but I wouldn't let him touch me. I was so mad at him. I took the other test 5 minutes later with the same results. I already knew I didn’t want the child. I have so much going for me. I know it might sound selfish to some people, but I love myself, and I love my life. There is nothing that will stand in the way of my happiness as long as I have say. I have finally chosen my future career, I'm a cheerleader, I'm very close with my family, and plus I can't even handle my Chihuahua. There was no doubt in my mind. Having a baby never even crossed my mind before.

I knew nothing about abortions, except that my freshman year of college, my roommate in the dorms had one and she was in agony for the next month, bleeding and crying and whatnot. But immediately, I started finding clinics in my town, exploring options and the like. At first, I settled for the medical abortion method. Taking a pill seemed pretty effortless and easy. Plus I could do it at home which was also a plus. I called one of the clinics here and asked when the soonest I could come in once. They told me I'd first have to come in for a consultation, and then the doctor will set an actual day I could come in and get the pills. Hesitantly, I made an appointment with them for a *consultation*. Then I called Planned Parenthood, and the soonest opening they had was for that weekend (it was Monday when I was making these calls btw), but I went ahead and booked with them as well for Friday. The rest of Monday, I spent researching the medical abortion method, and by the end of the day I decided it was too risky and that I'd be better off with the surgical method. Plus, the surgical method is faster and I wanted this over with as soon as possible. So the next day (Tuesday) I called Planned Parenthood and switched with them. Still, the soonest opening they had was Friday, but I went ahead and booked.

I think the most stressful part was waiting through the week for Friday to come. Every day seemed so long to me, all I wanted to do was sleep the week away. However, I spent the days reading other girls' experiences, reading about the methods that would be used, etc. Quiz me on abortion methods and I'll blow you away. Oh, I also spent the week eating and then puking... I'm not sure if it was the morning sickness of the anxiety and stress. Thursday night I went to sleep normally (by normally I mean by like 10 PM... I've been so drained of energy with all of this), but I woke up early this morning (yes, today is Friday... .and about 7 hours ago, I had a surgical abortion) The morning went by pretty smoothly. I showered, got ready to go. My mom asked me where I was going and I told her to "hang out" with my ex boyfriend. I wanted to tell her so bad... so she could tell me it would all be ok and to make me strong. But she'd have been so disappointed in me. I left at 1 with the ex boyfriend. My appointment was at 2. We got to the clinic about 1:20. We didn’t talk the whole car ride. Wednesday I pretty much blew up on him.. I told him I hated him for doing this to me, which I admit, wasn’t so mature on my part. I needed to vent and needed an outlet for my anger. No one knew about my pregnancy but him. I took it all out on him, and I apologized for it later.

After signing in, the lady asked I had my health net insurance card with me. ( I had put on the form that I had Health Net as my insurance) I didn’t. She told me that health net actually covers abortions (which is news to me! they didn’t cover my birth control pills a couple years ago!) I told her I didn’t have it and it really dint matter (the ex boyfriend was responsible for all finances, so he paid $385 cash nonetheless) What really got me mad is that when we got back to our seats after paying, he says "so your insurance would have covered it?" I replied, "yeah I guess." and he says, sarcastically, "great..." as if just because my insurance happens to cover abortions, that it should cover mine. I was SO MAD because its like, he was trying to opt out of paying for it... It is his responsibility too! Even if I did have my insurance card, I wouldn’t have let my insurance pay for it. It was his responsibility, period. I could care less about saving him money when I had to go through all this. That was my rant.

Ok, so I got really sweaty and anxious waiting, and then my name was called around 2:00. This little old lady took me into a counseling room and explained the process to me, made sure I wanted to go through with it, blah blah. After that was done I was led into another waiting room where I met another girl who was waiting for her operation. When she was called into the back, I wished her luck. It really amazed me to see so many young girls there, all of them seemed so much stronger than me, mentally. I really admired them. A lady took me into another room and she did a finger prick on me to test my blood for iron levels and see if I was negative blood type. They do this because if you're a negative blood type, and the baby is a positive blood type, your body (when it contacts the baby's blood) will build up antibodies (like defense cells) to protect your body against that "foreign" blood type. So the next time you're pregnant, your body will actually attack the baby and kill it even if it was a planned pregnancy. So they test for a negative blood type, and if you are negative, they'll give you a shot that basically prevents your body from building up the antibodies so that future pregnancies go smoothly. After the bloodwork, I went into my operating room, and was instructed to remove my pants and underwear, and place a pad into my panties so that when the operation was done I could just slip into them. I sat in the chair just waiting with a sheet of paper over my bottom half for like 5 minutes before the nurse practitioner came in. This was probably the most uncomfortable part of the day... She was really rough when it came to "looking for the position of my uterus". and then the ultrasound was nothing like I expected it to be! I thought they just put something on your belly and see the baby like that, but no. They actually stuck a rod up in me to get the image of the baby. again, she was really rough with it and it hurt a lot. I did see the little jellybean looking thing in the ultrasound. She said I was about 8 weeks and the exact size of the embryo was 1.8 cm. I pondered in awe at how a 1.8-cm thing could make me gain so much weight (15 lbs.!). She then left the room, and shortly later, the IV lady came in. This was the worst part. I'm a wuss when it comes to needles, but I guess if you're not then it's not that bad at all. She wrapped the tourniquet (rubber band) around my arm and had a little trouble finding my vein. but she did, and she stuck the needle in and taped it in place. Then she told me she'd be back in a little with the medicine. I was laying there with a needle in my arm... Oh my god, how horrible. Within a few minutes, a whole crew was in my room. The same nurse practitioner came in and propped my legs up on the stirrup things and a young nurse came by my head and held my hand. Then the IV lady put in the "twilight anesthesia" it took about 3 seconds before it hit me and Oh my god.... if that stuff was legal, I’d be an addict. It was a wonderful thing. The nurse at my hand started talking to me (obviously to keep me calm and to get my mind off of my bottom half) She asked about my dog, school, and stuff like that. Small talk. I didn't even feel the three shots I received in my cervix, and the next thing I felt was a soft suction sensation. It wasn’t bad at all! I get worse cramps than that! It just felt a tiny bit funny. The worst part of the actual procedure is when she used the instrument to get the excess stuff off the walls of the uterus.

Before I knew it, I was done.. I laid in the chair for a little bit, waiting to become a little more coherent. The nurses helped me into my underwear and pants and then into a wheelchair. They wheeled me into the recovery room and they gave me a heating pad (which felt really good) and lemonade and crackers... just regular saltine crackers, but they tasted soooo good. hah. then after 10 minutes they had me go into the restroom, remove the pad I was wearing, and put it on the toilet so then they could go in and see how much I was bleeding. I was really surprised to see that only one drop of blood was on the pad. I put it on top of the toilet and then put another one on. After spending about 10 more minutes in recovery, I was given a couple antibiotics to take tonight, a month of birth control pills (although I’m not having sex again for such a long time), and a prescription to Vicodin in case of bad cramping. Oh, and different colored condoms. I walked out into the main lobby and then the ex boyfriend drove me home. I felt so normal again after 20 minutes. So it’s 11:30 PM now, and so far, I've changed the pad I was in. I haven’t even been bleeding much.. I've been bleeding as much as you normally would on like the last day of your period. I'm having really really really mild cramps, nothing to take a Vicodin over. I feel great, and so relieved. My biggest concern when it came to abortion was fear of the pain.. Ha ha yeah, I'm a wuss. There is absolutely nothing to worry about, and I know this is the best decision I have ever made.