When we returned home after Christmas, there was a stillness in this tiny apartment. We didn't speak about it, didn't apologize or anything. I was secretly planning my escape. A few days later, I still hadn't gotten my period (I KNEW I would, I had all the PMS signs: cramping, tender boobs, moodiness...) At the urging of my friend I took a pregnancy test. Within 10 seconds of it being in my cup of pee, it turned positive. I waited the full 3 minutes, thinking maybe it would turn negative (this is the first time I've ever had a pregnancy scare, even with my unreliable birth control of withdrawal and sometimes condoms.) After the 3 minutes, the damn thing was just brighter. And I knew exactly what to do. I scheduled my surgical abortion for January 9, 2007.

Telling my fiance was the hardest thing to do. This was the guy I used to fantasize about how cute our kids would be. As the look of pain left his face, I felt something I haven't in months. He truly cared about me and us. I almost felt guilty, like maybe I shouldn't have told him if we were just going to part ways. I never wanted to hurt him.

Leading up to the 9th, I became a wreck. I HATED knowing that my cramping was not a normal period coming, but it was my uterus stretching to accommodate my mistakes. I couldn't eat, sleep, and I was getting dizzy all the time at work. I was so tired, so nauseous, so anxious, but every night, my fiance was holding my hand saying it'd be okay. I trusted him more than myself.

He came to the abortion clinic with me but stayed in the waiting room while I had tests and counseling and the procedure done. It honestly was the worst pain of my life (I only had local anesthesia because I'm terrified of drugs in my body.) It took about 2 minutes for them to remove my 6.5 week mistake. And it took me about 2 more minutes to feel normal again!

In the past week, my fiance and I have tried to mend the past few months. Strangely, this has brought us closer together. We lay on the couch together again, we pay attention to each other's trivial stories, and we've actually been laughing together! I don't know if we'll be walking down the aisle any time soon, but the abortion gave us a second chance at our relationship and life. If we do part ways, I know we'll bother be able to say we had ONE thing in common in the past years... we are not sorry.