During the first pregnancy, doctors kept testing me and telling me I wasn't pregnant. I knew I was in the first week, but I had morning sickness for 3 months before the pregnancy registered on their tests.

I was nauseated for the entire 10 months (yes, TEN). For the last 4 months I couldn't walk. I had toxemia. I could only wear moccasins and had to have my wedding ring cut from my finger. The doctors finally had to induce labor. I damn near died during 26 hours (yes, TWENTY-SIX HOURS, in the hospital) of hard labor before uterine inertia. According to my doctors, they were doing me a favor by letting me have a "trial" of labor. THEN they did the C-section that I had told them, at jump-start, I would have to have because of neurological damage. I was in the hospital for 10 days because of a raging infection, delirious most of the time, and damn near died again. The anitbiotics for the infection made my kidneys shut down. Then there was dialysis.

After I recovered from the infection and finally went home, I came down with postpartum depression for MONTHS, I don't even remember how many. This was not the Baby Blues. This was a depression so deep that I couldn't move! It was the fourth circle of HELL! I seriously contemplated eating my gun more than once. I was assured by every doctor after that that a second pregnancy would be worse. And, since the postpartum depression had been so bad, postpartum psychosis would be probable.

So eight years later when my BC failed, I became pregnant again. Again, no test would register the pregnancy! I was at the clinic SIX times before the chemical test confirmed what I knew. I was terrified and frantic, already suffering complications. THAT's what is meant by mental health of the mother. Sound trivial to you? A pro-lifer put her hand on me on my way into the clinic, and refused to let go. I had her arrested for battery. I INSISTED and testified at the trial! She was put on probation at trial.

If I had not been able to obtain a legal abortion in this country, I would have gone to Canada. If I had been poor ... I would not have had an illegal abortion. DEATH would have been my only option. My "guest" was NOT invited. Unable to evict him, I would have killed myself!

Because the chemical test wouldn't register the pregnancy, I was 4 months pregnant when I aborted, by pathological exam. I was past the first trimester.

After the abortion, I felt nothing but relief, mentally! My body went into grieving mode due to hormone realignment. That lasted a couple of weeks. I understood what it was and did not make it a obsession. It confirmed the opinions of the doctors that postpartum psychosis would have been the outcome had I carried to term. When that was done, my relief was TOTAL. Ever since, I have been nothing but relieved.

I was married another 10 years after the abortion. I've never regretted the abortion.