Back in 1993, I used to go to a nightclub here in Minneapolis that had a really great live band. The saxophone player in the band asked me out several times but I always said no. Musicians were a bad idea, right? Over the course of several months he eventually wore me down and we went out. He already had three children from two previous marriages, and stated very early on in our relationship that he "couldn't have any more children." I thought he meant he'd had a vasectomy, so I wouldn't need to go on the pill - he meant he couldn't afford any more children, and thought I was already on the pill. Bad communication ~ I was pregnant within our first 2 weeks together.
There was never any discussion of anything but terminating. He came
with me, it was done, we went for lunch and a walk by a local lake. We
ended up being together for almost 3 years after that, during which time
I persuaded him to have a vasectomy. I went with him, and then I
considered us 'even'. During our years together, he was very unimpressive
as a father ~ his children were frequently upset with him, and one had
behavior problems. When they were upset, he would laugh at them. I
hated being around him and his kids, it was very frustrating, how bad he
was with them. He accused me of not liking his kids, he couldn't accept
that it was HIS bad behavior I hated. He finally ended up leaving me
when he got a good job offer out of the country. He had to take it, as
he'd never really made enough money for all his child support, and I'd
been financially carrying him for long enough. I imagine if I'd had
his fourth child, it would have been very far down the totem pole indeed
where child support was concerned. He wouldn't have been able to pay
anything significant, and there's no doubt he would have left me a
single mother sooner or later - he'd already left two women behind that way,
after all. I didn't want that life. That child would be about 11
years old today - still nowhere near grown. I'd still be poor, stuck, and
struggling.
Instead, I have a lovely home, a successful career, I travel, spend
time with friends, volunteer for various causes in my community, and my
future lies ahead of me. I'm still single, although I don't date very
much these days. I'm thankful that I'm not tied to some poor jazz
musician for the rest of my life, just because of a stupid misunderstanding.
There was only one intelligent choice to make given the situation, and
I made it. It's annoying to read the propaganda stating that 'all
women who have abortions eventually regret it' - that's ridiculous. I
don't regret the car accidents I've avoided, I don't regret cleaning up
after I spill something, and I don't regret canceling out what would have
been the single greatest mistake of my life. Definitely not sorry!
   |