Now, this may sound crazy, but I KNEW I was pregnant the very morning I must have conceived. I can't describe it. I just thought of it as a mental thing and never said anything. During the next four weeks I noticed my breasts began getting heavy. My partner even mentioned to me "your nipples look strange ... almost like you are pregnant." I shrugged it off. I was a flaming BITCH as well ... and I felt like I was seasick. After four weeks I KNEW I had to take a test.

I called my best friend and the first thing I asked her was "Where did you get your abortion done last year?" She told me to come right over. I went and got a test and that night I planned on taking the test. I fell asleep before I had to pee and when I woke up that morning I grabbed my test and FLEW to the bathroom. I had to go so bad I didn't even think about what I was actually doing. I remember reading the darn stick and it said I was pregnant. I walked back upstairs and told my friend matter-of-factly (and rather calmly I might add) "Yep. I'm pregnant."

Later that day we drove to the same office where she had gotten hers done. To be honest, I don't know if I would have KNOWN what to do without her. I honestly think I would be stuck with a child I didn't want and a relationship with a man I don't have to be bothered with anymore (not to mention not in the current one I am in now). We walked into the doctors (which was simply an OB/GYN) and my friend told the lady at the counter. "She'd like to make an appointment." and then told her "for an abortion." I was so glad it was FINALLY out. I wanted an abortion and these people were going to give it to me. The nurse estimated I was about 6 weeks from her circle chart but told me I would have to come in for an exam. I made an appointment, we discussed price, and I left.

The only person who knew was my friend and I kept it that way. She had asked me if I would tell my partner but there was NO WAY. She said he should have to pay something too. I said NOPE. I didn't want anyone to try and sway the decision I felt comfortable with. To this day the man does not know ... he doesn't need to. He wasn't the one carrying the baby. I do feel funny and wonder if he ever actually KNEW.

I had insurance at the time even though I had just turned 18 a few weeks before. I didn't use it though. I didn't want ANYTHING for ANYONE in my family to find out my personal business. I even wondered about putting my name on the paper ... I did... but I used my friend's address for all billing information. I also am very thankful that I was born when I was. After all, had I not been 18 (which was by a whole month) I don't know how this would have went. I paid $50 up front. Then I would pay $200 on the day of the abortion. Bloodwork and paperwork would come in the mail that insurance USUALLY covers (I think it was less than $200 extra in the end ... plus I got a birth control prescription).

The day I had an exam my friend took me. I went in and the doctor checked me out. I was indeed pregnant. He asked me if I wanted an abortion. I said YES. He did a pap smear and the whole time the nurse, him and I talked about body piercings. He told me he had even seen some "down there" ... and that "sometimes they were dirty". I felt like these were real people, and that made me feel so much more comfortable. He said that that would be no problem and to come back next week. The nurse drew my blood which made me REALLY sick. Then I went in the waiting room to sign a consent form and I was still sick from the blood being drawn. I almost passed out and had to sit down. Finally my friend helped me to the car, and I threw up out her window on the way home.

At this point I KNEW I wanted to go through with it, but I was afraid of the pain. My friend told me that when she got hers done she was sick in bed for a day. That didn't seem too bad for me. I told her I would stay at her house that day so no one would wonder why I was sick. The whole time I was at my house around my parents I felt like I had this secret. I kept wondering what would happen if the "baby" just fell out of me. I also secretly hoped it would when I was alone.

Finally the day came. My friend drove me to the doctors. I went in and they called me back. I remember thinking it was going to hurt. I remember wondering what would happen if time froze and I ended up pregnant forever. I just wanted to be NOT pregnant. I looked around the room and saw an ugly machine. I assumed it was the machine that did the trick. I decided I didn't want to look at it when I got it done. Finally the doctor and the same nice nurse walked in. The doctor got down to business and started to fool around with a bunch of stuff down there. It felt like a pap smear ... no pain ... just a little strange. Then he said "ok, you're ready." Then he turned the machine on. I remember feeling a VERY slight feeling in my abdomen, I kept waiting for it to get worse. I kept my eyes on the ceiling and counted the dots. I thought it was going to take forever and the pain would come ... but then the doctor turned off the machine and said "all done." It didn't hurt one bit.

I lay there for about 15 minutes. I told the doctor to tell my friend I was ok. The nurse even brought me a bedpan because she KNEW I would need it ... even though it was only for a little bit of puke (what can I say, I felt seasick). After that the doctor came in with a prescription for birth control and 4 blue pills that would make sure I didn't get an infection. He gave me paperwork concerning follow-up and told me to make an appointment in two weeks. On the way home I felt great. I didn't even puke (this time we brought a bowl just in case). I went back to my friend's place and waited to feel sick. I never did. I got up and went home. I was SO relieved that I was finally not DEFECTIVE.

It's been over two years since I had my abortion. I have since started dating the man I was BEFORE I got pregnant and we plan on getting married and starting a family soon. I can not wait to be a mother and to be honest, even though the time isn't right at the moment I wouldn't abort if I got pregnant right now. But at that time, it wasn't right. It wasn't a child created out of love. I would never want to have spent my life in a situation that I have the CHOICE to get out of.

Even though I don't think I will have an abortion again simply because I want to be a mother soon, I will never stop fighting for the woman's right to CHOOSE. I know if women before ME didn't do so, I might be leading a less productive life than I am now. I sometimes think about things like "Will I go to hell?" but that is between me and God. I sometimes wonder about what it would be like, but then I know I would probably not have the wonderful life I have now. I am very happy to say don't regret my decision for a moment.

By the way, the friend who was with me through this is still my best friend to this very day and she is truly a blessing and made a huge difference in my life.