I've actually had two abortions. The first was a very hard decision but I had just started having sex and in my opinion pushed into it way before I was ready. I was in school and the guy would have never supported me or the baby. I just couldn't see another way out. The second time was raped by the same boyfriend that I'd had before but he became jealous of me and because I had started dating someone new after I'd broken up with him. He decided to sort of blackmail me...it was sort of a Paris Hilton thing, which I will never do again. He had his friend leave threatening messages on my phone. He even somehow got numbers from my phone and called people I knew and told them little things about me so that I knew that he was serious. He said he would give this tape to my parents if i didn't do this so many times. It was a nightmare. If my parents found out about this I knew that they would stop paying for school and who knows what else (my parents are extremely conservative; they sent my older sister to a nuns house when she became pregnant). When I found out that I was pregnant again I knew what I had to do but it was hard. I went to the clinic and there was a man outside with a video camera which scared me although the guard told me there was no tape inside. I was only 6 weeks but this time was more painful than the last for some reason. I can say now that I do not regret it, this person that got me pregnant was no man and would have in the end hurt me and the child. I am sure of that. If he was able to do what he did to me than I know he was capable of so much more. I never told anyone about this but even though I have always been told that this is wrong, I cannot see myself living in the hell that I was living in when I was with him. I think that I will always help those that are in my shoes because you never know what they are going through and how this decision will make that pain go away.
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