My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now. The first year we went out, we never used protection. I've been on my own since I was 14 and we honestly could barely afford to feed ourselves, let alone buy birth control. Stupid as we were we though the whole "pulling out" thing would work. The night before I found out I was pregnant, I already had suspicions that I was. I hadn't gotten my period in a while, but since my period was never very regular I wasn't too worried. Nevertheless, that night I went to Walgreen's and stole a pregnancy test. It turned out negative. I woke up the next morning feeling the worst stomach pain I had ever felt in my life (and I've had ulcers). I called my mom and she said that it was probably because I smoked too much. I put up with it all day but around 5:00 it became too much to bear. I made my mom leave work and take me to the emergency room. This is kind of a big deal because we weren't really on speaking terms. The doctors said that it was probably appendicitis but they'd have to run some tests. Half an hour later the doctor came back and told me that I indeed had appendicitis, but I was also pregnant. He said that I would have to take a CATSCAN, which might affect the baby, so I pretty much had to decide right then if I was going to keep it or not. I decided that my health was more important so I agreed to the CATSCAN. Later I found out that that early in my pregnancy the CATSCAN didn't really do anything to the baby, so I had to start thinking all over again. I really hated myself because I felt like I had given my baby no choice. I am a recovering drug addict, and I had done coke two days before I found out I was pregnant, and I had done heroin four days prior. I didn't want my baby to have the same life I had and to be born drug addicted. That was the main reason I decided not to keep it, aside from the obvious financial limitations that I had. The morning sickness was horrible. The only way I could eat was to smoke pot constantly.
The first time I went to get the abortion done, I was kicked out of the hospital because I had taken a sip of juice even though they told me not to eat or drink anything. That almost made me change my mind. I thought it was some kind of sign that I shouldn't go through with it. In the end, I realized I was making the right decision and went though with it anyway. I wouldn't say that I felt relief instantly. I was relieved that I could eat again, but I was also full of grief and regret. Before I got pregnant I was actually pretty much clean, the time I did heroin right before I found out was kind of a fluke at a party. After the abortion though I started getting back into it pretty heavily. I could barely look at a baby without crying. It took me a long time to realize I had done the right thing. Eventually I cleaned myself up and started working to make a better life for myself and my future children. On a superficial level I have a small amount of regret for what I did, especially because there are a lot of girls at my school with kids and sometimes I feel like they are braver or better people than me. In my heart though I know I did the right thing, because most of those girls are practically destitute and have little hope of going to college or really doing something with their lives.
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